Yesterday the weather was cold, wet, snowy and miserable, so it doesn't look like July is going to be such a great month....maybe rainy and very, very hot! Today it was not windy and fairly clear but chilly - not as bad as yesterday so maybe August will be temperate and clear.
Bad news today. I hope St. Therese tunes back in to my woes very soon. (And I was so excited to see a church name for St. Catherine of Siena - my confirmation patron saint - right next door to MSK. I told Jack it was a sign for good things and I hope I am correct!)
I spent the day at MSK getting ready for surgery on Thursday and hand delivered my prior CT and PT scans for comparison to the new one taken last week. Wellllllll, the new one did show a slight change so the lung needle biopsy is back on for 6:30 a.m. tomorrow morning. If there is no malignancy in the lung, then the pancreas surgery will be on Thursday. If the lung is malignant, there will not be surgery and I'm not sure what procedure will follow but I believe I was told chemo, chemo, chemo at one point. I am so confused and upset at this moment that I really don't know the answer but will know more tomorrow. We were at MSK from 10:30 a.m. this morning until 3 p.m. between examinations, echo cardiograms, waiting, news gathering.......I am so exhausted and have to get up at 4:30 a.m. to get to the city on time. Poor Jack, he drove someone into Manhattan tonight and has no idea what time he will be home. I hope he can catch some zzzzzzs while waiting for these people.
The weekend was great fun enjoying my Gingie Girl, Agnes Rose, who grows smarter and cuter by the hour. I can't wait for her to wow her grandparents and aunts and uncles in Wisconsin. I know how they will enjoy her merry disposition and be so proud of her antics. Of course, as I always say, we always think our own ducks are swans! The weekend was also fun because I did not think I was going to have the biopsy tomorrow and figured by next weekend I'd have all the surgery behind me. I must remain optimistic at least through tomorrow's news. They will give me the results right after the biopsy so I'll know whether the surgery will be on Thursday or what new plan will be put into motion.
One thing for sure, this b.s. about early detection is a myth. The pancreatic mass could not have been detected earlier and it has been 2 1/2 months and it is still wreaking havoc. I have been sorely tempted to grab a can opener and remove it myself (if only it were that simple.)
So, pray for me tomorrow and help me hope for the best. I'll let you know as soon as I do. Thanks for listening!
Believe! (Even though it is hard on some days.)
As always, love from me to you!
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