Well, it is almost 11 pm and Joe, Karen and Kate are putting the final touches on the Thanksgiving Feast. I am so tired, I can hardly keep my eyes open and I did little more than supervise - well, maybe a little cooking but not much. I did have fun keeping an eye on Gingie Girl but she moves a little too quickly for me! Actually, I stepped on her poor little hand today as she was behind me on the floor and I did not know it - I don't know who cried more, the baby or me. I felt terrible but she was so shocked to see me start crying, she stopped and came over to pat me. Her hand was fine, thank goodness. One really forgets how quickly these little ones can change position.
Jack has been doing all the running around and shopping, etc. We all have special requests and chores for him. Tonight he put the giant, inflatable turkey up on the front lawn - I'm not sure how the neighbors feel about it but I know he is excited for Agnes to see it tomorrow morning. Funny how your ideas change, when he got this thing a few years back, I had a fit. This year I could not wait for him to inflate it. I'll try to take a photo tomorrow and post it.
Happy Birthday to Mary Linn.......Happy Thanksgiving to you all as it will be Thanksgiving before you read this.
God bless us everyone!
As always, love from me to you!
November 26, 2008
November 25, 2008
P.M. P.S.
Just an update since I wrote early today.....the staff at Sloan have arranged a chest CT scan, blood work and a EKG for Monday. A lung biopsy will be performed on December 9. Depending on the results of that biopsy, my course of treatment will be decided. If the lung cancer has metastasized, then it will be chemo, chemo, chemo; if it is plain old pancreatic cancer, then surgery will follow pretty soon after the results are in. Incidentally, the staff at Sloan called this afternoon to tell me the slides finally arrived. Woot!
As always, love from me to you.
As always, love from me to you.
Pilgrim's Progress
I knew when I awoke this morning from a dream where I had no hair but looked exactly like Audrey Hepburn that this would be a better day than yesterday! My first phone call was from Joe who is bringing my Gingie Girl early this afternoon........Joe is coming today to help prepare for Thanksgiving. How many people can brag about a son-in-law like that? Karen will join us tonight and hopefully the rain will stop by then so we can cook dinner out on the grill.....it is always so much quicker and easier to cook outside.
My second phone call was from Sloan Kettering. They have not received the slides yet but hopefully they will arrive today. Ann from Sloan called to say they would like to do another CT scan and a lung biopsy at Sloan to be absolutely certain what the type of cancer actually is as the debate still goes on. It is a relief to know that these procedures will be done as soon as possible. They will set them up and then tell me when they are. It will be within the next week for sure as I have been told not to take any aspirin or blood thinners. Sloan understands the need for quickly moving the procedure along. Ann was very understanding of my fears and frustrations. So, I rejoice that some progress is being made and that I will soon be in some type of treatment. What that will be still remains to be seen but I am back to being optimistic about the outcome as well as fearful of the process. Did you ever feel happy and sad at the same time? That about sums it up.
Today I will be having a Starbucks coffee - latte venti and a piece of pastry - to celebrate this good news with Crone McMahon. I will also be able to introduce Gingie Girl to this Crone which will give me great pleasure.
Now I am going to try to get an appointment for a really short, Audrey Hepburn type pixie haircut before Thanksgiving. I will keep you posted as this latest news unfolds.
I'm back to
Believe!
As always, love from me to you!
My second phone call was from Sloan Kettering. They have not received the slides yet but hopefully they will arrive today. Ann from Sloan called to say they would like to do another CT scan and a lung biopsy at Sloan to be absolutely certain what the type of cancer actually is as the debate still goes on. It is a relief to know that these procedures will be done as soon as possible. They will set them up and then tell me when they are. It will be within the next week for sure as I have been told not to take any aspirin or blood thinners. Sloan understands the need for quickly moving the procedure along. Ann was very understanding of my fears and frustrations. So, I rejoice that some progress is being made and that I will soon be in some type of treatment. What that will be still remains to be seen but I am back to being optimistic about the outcome as well as fearful of the process. Did you ever feel happy and sad at the same time? That about sums it up.
Today I will be having a Starbucks coffee - latte venti and a piece of pastry - to celebrate this good news with Crone McMahon. I will also be able to introduce Gingie Girl to this Crone which will give me great pleasure.
Now I am going to try to get an appointment for a really short, Audrey Hepburn type pixie haircut before Thanksgiving. I will keep you posted as this latest news unfolds.
I'm back to
Believe!
As always, love from me to you!
November 24, 2008
Spice in my Life, My Gingie Girl
Monday, Monday - gotta hate that day although maybe we should love each day in spite of its potential for disaster.
I had a delightful weekend with my family, including Agnes Rose who was adorable in her red and white polka dot blanket sleeper with a gingerbread girl on the breast and has now been nicknamed (by me) Gingie Girl which sort of goes with her gingery/honey blond hair. I thought her Mama would save this for Christmas Eve in Wisconsin but Mama feels she may outgrow it too quickly. (I think Mama was being sensitive and knew I wanted to see Gingie Girl in this snugly outfit and I appreciated the surprise.) While her Papa babysat Agnes, Grandpa, Aunt Kate, Mama and Nana set off to shop for a Christmas outfit for Gingie Girl. First we went to Lord & Taylors but they had very little choice so we rushed off to Macy's to catch their sale. Good thing Grandpa came along as he did his usual dazzling coupon dance and managed to purchase three outfits for almost $10 less than one of them cost orginally. Wow! this was a major coup and we were home in an hour! Macy's had the outfits marked anywhere from 30 to 70% off but Gingie Girl got a 100% discount thanks to Grandpa - this is a good way to shop.
It is hard to imagine that Thanksgiving is three days away and one thing I am really thankful for is that Joe, Karen and Kate will be help cook again this year. Yesterday, we were discussing various menus and as long as the stuffing remains the "traditional" one (that means the one I make) and the gravy remains the same (especially for Joan who loves this thickened pot of vegetable soup which contains some of the turkey drippings and chicken broth), and the turkey is big enough for all of us, Joe will be experimenting with a few new vegetable recipes. Mmmm! I can be the chief sampler - especially the special sweet potato dish he has in mind.
Now to my Monday morning........
I was relieved and happy all weekend to know that my slides were finally off to Sloan on FRIDAY as that is what I was assured when I called and that Sloan would have them today and hopefully I would have an answer sometime before the week's end. NO SUCH LUCK. This morning, G called from NSUH to ask for my credit card number again as they were GOING TO SEND THE SLIDES TODAY - MONDAY . Even though I was told they were mailed Friday, today I was told they were not mailed Friday because they did not want them to sit in the mailroom over the weekend. One would have to think that a mailroom in a hospital like Sloan Kettering would refrigerate or have a special way of handling this type of sitution. I have to admit I lost my cool and got very, very angry. I was so angry and tried very hard to control it, I have a pain in my chest and this happened an hour ago. G said that I ASKED FOR THE WRONG SLIDES the first time.....I just checked the letter I sent and I see that I did not specifically ask for pancreatic slides (since I am not a pathologist) but simply asked them to send slides of my recent EUS biopsy - therein was my mistake - thinking that since it was a PANCREATIC BIOPSY THAT PANCREATIC CELLS WOULD BE SENT. Obviously I was wrong - someone just suggested that I should have picked them up and delivered them myself but they could have given me slides of Pinocchio's nose and I would not have known the difference. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? Well, the one thing it has clarified for me is that if I have to have another biopsy done on my pancreas or on my lung or any other part of my voluptuous being, I will have it done at Sloan. I feel betrayed by a hospital that I have had a wonderful relationship with for almost 40 years - ever since my ankle was set there on my wedding day and it was still called Manhasset Hospital. Would I really have another biopsy there with a pathology department that is causing me such extended upset?
I've been trying to put a good face on this but truthfully, I am terrified. My initial PT scan was on October 3 - it is now November 24 - it will be 2 full months before I am diagnosed because weeks have been lost with these mistakes in mailing the correct slides. When you are dealing with pancreatic cancer - even though mine is in a "good" place and probably curable (at least in October when the first scan was taken), I have lost 2 months - TWO MONTHS of my life waiting for a decision on a disease that has the potential to kill you in six months. (I watch the commercials for the Lustgarten Foundation, too.) In this litigious society, my first inclination is to call my attorney and see if this incompetence can be addressed legally but I know once I cool down and know that the slides are where they should be - eventually - tomorrow, I hope, I won't do a damn thing because I am too tired and too worried and too sad.
Sorry to dump all this on you today but I am alone at the moment and instead of screaming and banging my head against the wall, I turn to my earthbound source of strength of courage. You.
Thanks for listening.
As always, love from me to you.
I had a delightful weekend with my family, including Agnes Rose who was adorable in her red and white polka dot blanket sleeper with a gingerbread girl on the breast and has now been nicknamed (by me) Gingie Girl which sort of goes with her gingery/honey blond hair. I thought her Mama would save this for Christmas Eve in Wisconsin but Mama feels she may outgrow it too quickly. (I think Mama was being sensitive and knew I wanted to see Gingie Girl in this snugly outfit and I appreciated the surprise.) While her Papa babysat Agnes, Grandpa, Aunt Kate, Mama and Nana set off to shop for a Christmas outfit for Gingie Girl. First we went to Lord & Taylors but they had very little choice so we rushed off to Macy's to catch their sale. Good thing Grandpa came along as he did his usual dazzling coupon dance and managed to purchase three outfits for almost $10 less than one of them cost orginally. Wow! this was a major coup and we were home in an hour! Macy's had the outfits marked anywhere from 30 to 70% off but Gingie Girl got a 100% discount thanks to Grandpa - this is a good way to shop.
It is hard to imagine that Thanksgiving is three days away and one thing I am really thankful for is that Joe, Karen and Kate will be help cook again this year. Yesterday, we were discussing various menus and as long as the stuffing remains the "traditional" one (that means the one I make) and the gravy remains the same (especially for Joan who loves this thickened pot of vegetable soup which contains some of the turkey drippings and chicken broth), and the turkey is big enough for all of us, Joe will be experimenting with a few new vegetable recipes. Mmmm! I can be the chief sampler - especially the special sweet potato dish he has in mind.
Now to my Monday morning........
I was relieved and happy all weekend to know that my slides were finally off to Sloan on FRIDAY as that is what I was assured when I called and that Sloan would have them today and hopefully I would have an answer sometime before the week's end. NO SUCH LUCK. This morning, G called from NSUH to ask for my credit card number again as they were GOING TO SEND THE SLIDES TODAY - MONDAY . Even though I was told they were mailed Friday, today I was told they were not mailed Friday because they did not want them to sit in the mailroom over the weekend. One would have to think that a mailroom in a hospital like Sloan Kettering would refrigerate or have a special way of handling this type of sitution. I have to admit I lost my cool and got very, very angry. I was so angry and tried very hard to control it, I have a pain in my chest and this happened an hour ago. G said that I ASKED FOR THE WRONG SLIDES the first time.....I just checked the letter I sent and I see that I did not specifically ask for pancreatic slides (since I am not a pathologist) but simply asked them to send slides of my recent EUS biopsy - therein was my mistake - thinking that since it was a PANCREATIC BIOPSY THAT PANCREATIC CELLS WOULD BE SENT. Obviously I was wrong - someone just suggested that I should have picked them up and delivered them myself but they could have given me slides of Pinocchio's nose and I would not have known the difference. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? Well, the one thing it has clarified for me is that if I have to have another biopsy done on my pancreas or on my lung or any other part of my voluptuous being, I will have it done at Sloan. I feel betrayed by a hospital that I have had a wonderful relationship with for almost 40 years - ever since my ankle was set there on my wedding day and it was still called Manhasset Hospital. Would I really have another biopsy there with a pathology department that is causing me such extended upset?
I've been trying to put a good face on this but truthfully, I am terrified. My initial PT scan was on October 3 - it is now November 24 - it will be 2 full months before I am diagnosed because weeks have been lost with these mistakes in mailing the correct slides. When you are dealing with pancreatic cancer - even though mine is in a "good" place and probably curable (at least in October when the first scan was taken), I have lost 2 months - TWO MONTHS of my life waiting for a decision on a disease that has the potential to kill you in six months. (I watch the commercials for the Lustgarten Foundation, too.) In this litigious society, my first inclination is to call my attorney and see if this incompetence can be addressed legally but I know once I cool down and know that the slides are where they should be - eventually - tomorrow, I hope, I won't do a damn thing because I am too tired and too worried and too sad.
Sorry to dump all this on you today but I am alone at the moment and instead of screaming and banging my head against the wall, I turn to my earthbound source of strength of courage. You.
Thanks for listening.
As always, love from me to you.
November 21, 2008
Favorite Author's Newest Book
Life is filled with ironies. I have been reading - non-stop - one of my favorite authors - Anne Rivers Siddons. I was so happy to find her new book Off Season and have had my nose stuck in it for several days now. One of the reviewers says that you don't just read her books, you dwell in them. This is so true and I have loved her since Shirley loaned me Outerbanks ten or twelve years ago when I was visiting Shirley and W and had nothing to read. Well, the reason I am compelled to share this information with you is that I am mid-way through this great book and the plot unexpectedly turns to the protagonist's mother dying of cancer. Sorry to ruin the book for anyone of you who wishes to read it, but she dies. Dead. I just left the funeral service with tears running down my face for this poor woman. Only me - I would be the only person I know who would become so deeply engrossed in a book to take my mind off my current woes and find out that one of my favorite characters - one that I pictured as myself from the beginning of the book - dies of cancer. First, of course, there are several chapters of her battle with chemo - then BAM - off she goes into the Light. Don't let this stop you from reading this or any other book by this incredible author. It just tickled my very warped funny bone.....and it was breast cancer and it was in the early sixties so times and treatments have changed considerably in the last forty years and I don't plan on entering the Light anytime soon (been there, done that once before - not worth the trip again so soon.)
Kate is coming in from Boston by bus tonight. She is making the trip to spend some extra time with us and Agnes since next weekend will be a busy one for her - ten year high school reunion on Friday and a wedding back in Massachusetts on Saturday. No moss grows under her feet for sure!
I called Sloan and they did not receive the slides so I called NSUH. The slides went out this morning (Friday) which means they won't be read until Tuesday or Wednesday. I am frustrated that I won't have an answer until after Thanksgiving - and, it frightens me to think that two more weeks are wasted while malignant cells continue to party in my pancreas and lungs. I am so exhausted and I'm sure it is because I am not sleeping through the night and cannot think of anything but this party going on inside me. Seeing Kate, Karen, Agnes and Joe this weekend will take my mind off things.
There is no doubt in my mind that I will win this battle, I'd just like to know who the enemy is and what tools will be used in combat. My warriors are all lined up, capes ready!
If you don't hear from me over the weekend, I may be on hiatus enjoying the family visit.
Believe!
As always, love from me to you!
Kate is coming in from Boston by bus tonight. She is making the trip to spend some extra time with us and Agnes since next weekend will be a busy one for her - ten year high school reunion on Friday and a wedding back in Massachusetts on Saturday. No moss grows under her feet for sure!
I called Sloan and they did not receive the slides so I called NSUH. The slides went out this morning (Friday) which means they won't be read until Tuesday or Wednesday. I am frustrated that I won't have an answer until after Thanksgiving - and, it frightens me to think that two more weeks are wasted while malignant cells continue to party in my pancreas and lungs. I am so exhausted and I'm sure it is because I am not sleeping through the night and cannot think of anything but this party going on inside me. Seeing Kate, Karen, Agnes and Joe this weekend will take my mind off things.
There is no doubt in my mind that I will win this battle, I'd just like to know who the enemy is and what tools will be used in combat. My warriors are all lined up, capes ready!
If you don't hear from me over the weekend, I may be on hiatus enjoying the family visit.
Believe!
As always, love from me to you!
November 20, 2008
Pas de Deux
Two blogs in one day......
I did not want today to go by without a Happy Birthday greeting to my godson, Ted. The day he was born was one of those memories that burn into your brain and you can recall with total clarity.
The kids today would find it hard to believe but I was a freshman in high school and very excited about the impending birth of this baby whom I knew would be my godchild. I was so thrilled. It was lunchtime at school and I had to go to the Principal's office to ask for special permission to use my own dime in one of the two public pay phones in the building to call home to see if the baby had been born. Talk about oppression! Can you imagine a world where you had to GET PERMISSION to make a phone call on a public phone to your own home? Well, that's the world in which some of my Crones and Miss Brodie were raised.
Anyway, that beautiful baby boy is all grown up and a great guy. Hard to believe 47 years have passed, though!
Happy Birthday!
As always, love from me to you!
I did not want today to go by without a Happy Birthday greeting to my godson, Ted. The day he was born was one of those memories that burn into your brain and you can recall with total clarity.
The kids today would find it hard to believe but I was a freshman in high school and very excited about the impending birth of this baby whom I knew would be my godchild. I was so thrilled. It was lunchtime at school and I had to go to the Principal's office to ask for special permission to use my own dime in one of the two public pay phones in the building to call home to see if the baby had been born. Talk about oppression! Can you imagine a world where you had to GET PERMISSION to make a phone call on a public phone to your own home? Well, that's the world in which some of my Crones and Miss Brodie were raised.
Anyway, that beautiful baby boy is all grown up and a great guy. Hard to believe 47 years have passed, though!
Happy Birthday!
As always, love from me to you!
Simon Says Take One Step Back
I awoke this morning with a feeling of relief as some progress has been made in the battle. The pathology slides were in the hands of those at Sloan who would ultimately make the decision as to what course of action will be taken. I feel calmer knowing that a firm decision will be made within a few days and some type of action will take place in two weeks or so be it surgery, chemo or whatever the specialists decide. I feel, ironically, free - free because even though it is my battle, I can stop worrying about the battle plan for a little while and just relax. Ha.
The phone rang. So much for relaxation....it was the nurse from Sloan saying the slides they received yesterday were from my stomach not from my pancreas. NSUH had sent the WRONG slides - and incidentally, just mentioned in passing, my stomach seems inflamed. I did not even ask a question about that as I was so astounded that this mix up had occurred....after all, we are dealing with someone's life here. These are keys to a diagnosis which could spell life or death - not paint chips.
So, of course, my first reaction is total outrage and I call NSUH pathology department and I GET A RECORDING with a menu - nothing which will guide me to a human to correct this major problem. (At least major to me.) I hang up and fume for a few minutes (feeling that inflamed stomach starting to heat up) and decide to call my Onco Man who is my hero as are the gals in his office who are such incredible human beings. The gal I needed most was not in yet but would call as soon as she arrived. I did explain what I needed to speak to her about.
Then my brain kicked in and I called the general hospital number for NSUH and asked to speak to a HUMAN in the pathology department....actually, I did have a first name but wanted any human at this point. BINGO. Got through on the first try to the gal who had been so helpful for the past two days - except she sent the wrong slides. Last night I faxed her to send lung slides as well so a comparison could be made so there was a little confusion as to what I was talking about. Finally, in my calmest voice, I said - Stop talking and listen to what I am saying. The slides you sent to Sloan which they received yesterday were incorrect. They were slides from my stomach and I am being diagnosed for pancreatic cancer. The biopsy was on my pancreas - my permission note clearly stated PANCREATIC slides. You are a very kind person but you made a mistake and I need you to fix it - NOW, TODAY. She finally got it and said I needed - pay attention to this - to speak to someone in another part of the pathology department who had the pancreas stuff. She was working on my lung stuff and after I explained my pancreas request to this other person, they would send the slides together as quickly as possible. Before I could say pancreatic cancer, I was switched to the cytology area of the pathology department. I spoke to another very nice woman who understood my problem after only 2 repeats of the explanation (and English was not a second language for either of us.) I think it was when I burst into tears and said I could be dead of this disease before anyone at NSUH got the correct slides to Sloan that she grasped the true nature of the problem. (A little dramatic, perhaps, but it worked and it was a truthful assessment on my part at the moment. Although I was so upset, I could have had a heart attack and saved a whole lot of stress.) She assured me she would do her part this morning and bring the pancreatic slides over to the other side of the room where my lung slides would be waiting to be reunited with their old friends and they would be mailed together - hopefully today. I cried a little harder and begged her to make sure they would be mailed today. She said she would do her part but Lung Woman had to do her part as well. Considering Lung Woman already screwed up, I can only hope she would give it her all. Pancreas Woman gave me her direct phone number and said she or Lung Woman would call when they were ready and in the overnight mail. I'm sure one of them will call for my credit card number - at $25 a pop for mailing, this is a booming business. All of this happened between 9 and 10:30 and it is now 1:15 and I still haven't heard that the limo had been called for transporting my slides.
What I learned in all of this was that even though I was burning with fury over the mistake, it was important to remain calm and understand that mistakes can happen. I stayed as calm and sweet as possible because the older I get, the more I realize that people - even those who have made your life a nightmare - are better help to you if you make them your friend. There are enough people willing to yell and scream and I really don't want to be one of them.
Now, the reason I had such a big reaction to this mix up is that there is a totally diverse opinion between Onco Man and the Pancreas Pooh Bah - one still thinks it is lung cancer in the state of metastasis and the other is totally convinced there is nothing new in the lung and that the pancreas mass is a pancreatic cancer not related to the lung and that it is in a very early stage, miraculous in being found so soon and easily removed along with the spleen and surrounding lymph nodes. These two will talk among themselves. I have a great deal of respect for both of them so I will wait and see what happens next. However, the pathology slides are the key!
I am too keyed up (no pun intended) to continue for today.
Believe! Pray!
As always, love from me to you!
The phone rang. So much for relaxation....it was the nurse from Sloan saying the slides they received yesterday were from my stomach not from my pancreas. NSUH had sent the WRONG slides - and incidentally, just mentioned in passing, my stomach seems inflamed. I did not even ask a question about that as I was so astounded that this mix up had occurred....after all, we are dealing with someone's life here. These are keys to a diagnosis which could spell life or death - not paint chips.
So, of course, my first reaction is total outrage and I call NSUH pathology department and I GET A RECORDING with a menu - nothing which will guide me to a human to correct this major problem. (At least major to me.) I hang up and fume for a few minutes (feeling that inflamed stomach starting to heat up) and decide to call my Onco Man who is my hero as are the gals in his office who are such incredible human beings. The gal I needed most was not in yet but would call as soon as she arrived. I did explain what I needed to speak to her about.
Then my brain kicked in and I called the general hospital number for NSUH and asked to speak to a HUMAN in the pathology department....actually, I did have a first name but wanted any human at this point. BINGO. Got through on the first try to the gal who had been so helpful for the past two days - except she sent the wrong slides. Last night I faxed her to send lung slides as well so a comparison could be made so there was a little confusion as to what I was talking about. Finally, in my calmest voice, I said - Stop talking and listen to what I am saying. The slides you sent to Sloan which they received yesterday were incorrect. They were slides from my stomach and I am being diagnosed for pancreatic cancer. The biopsy was on my pancreas - my permission note clearly stated PANCREATIC slides. You are a very kind person but you made a mistake and I need you to fix it - NOW, TODAY. She finally got it and said I needed - pay attention to this - to speak to someone in another part of the pathology department who had the pancreas stuff. She was working on my lung stuff and after I explained my pancreas request to this other person, they would send the slides together as quickly as possible. Before I could say pancreatic cancer, I was switched to the cytology area of the pathology department. I spoke to another very nice woman who understood my problem after only 2 repeats of the explanation (and English was not a second language for either of us.) I think it was when I burst into tears and said I could be dead of this disease before anyone at NSUH got the correct slides to Sloan that she grasped the true nature of the problem. (A little dramatic, perhaps, but it worked and it was a truthful assessment on my part at the moment. Although I was so upset, I could have had a heart attack and saved a whole lot of stress.) She assured me she would do her part this morning and bring the pancreatic slides over to the other side of the room where my lung slides would be waiting to be reunited with their old friends and they would be mailed together - hopefully today. I cried a little harder and begged her to make sure they would be mailed today. She said she would do her part but Lung Woman had to do her part as well. Considering Lung Woman already screwed up, I can only hope she would give it her all. Pancreas Woman gave me her direct phone number and said she or Lung Woman would call when they were ready and in the overnight mail. I'm sure one of them will call for my credit card number - at $25 a pop for mailing, this is a booming business. All of this happened between 9 and 10:30 and it is now 1:15 and I still haven't heard that the limo had been called for transporting my slides.
What I learned in all of this was that even though I was burning with fury over the mistake, it was important to remain calm and understand that mistakes can happen. I stayed as calm and sweet as possible because the older I get, the more I realize that people - even those who have made your life a nightmare - are better help to you if you make them your friend. There are enough people willing to yell and scream and I really don't want to be one of them.
Now, the reason I had such a big reaction to this mix up is that there is a totally diverse opinion between Onco Man and the Pancreas Pooh Bah - one still thinks it is lung cancer in the state of metastasis and the other is totally convinced there is nothing new in the lung and that the pancreas mass is a pancreatic cancer not related to the lung and that it is in a very early stage, miraculous in being found so soon and easily removed along with the spleen and surrounding lymph nodes. These two will talk among themselves. I have a great deal of respect for both of them so I will wait and see what happens next. However, the pathology slides are the key!
I am too keyed up (no pun intended) to continue for today.
Believe! Pray!
As always, love from me to you!
November 19, 2008
Maybe, Maybe Not
First things first......my young friend Michelle has started an on line magazine about beer. The website is http://www.biermagazine.com/ and I'd like those of you interested in this particular beverage to check it out.
Now, we had a long afternoon at Sloan Kettering and still do not have a definite answer although the Pancreatic Pooh Bah is convinced the growth is a small, pancreatic cancer in an early stage which can be removed surgically within the next few weeks. The only snag right now is that they must be absolutely certain it is a pancreatic cancer and not a metastasis from the lung. Yet again, slices of my lung biopsy from two years ago must be sent to Sloan to be compared with the ones of my pancreas sent the other yesterday. I should know something definitive within a few days and if it is the pancreas alone, surgery will be done in about two weeks. So, keep you prayers going. I know it must seem odd to pray that it is a pancreatic cancer but it is one that is contained and easily - ha, easily - removed. I keep reminding myself that pain is finite and eventually goes away. If it is the lung metastasizing, then I'm in for a long battle with chemo, etc.
Forgive me for being so short this evening but I am sooo tired.
Believe!
As always, love from me to you!
Now, we had a long afternoon at Sloan Kettering and still do not have a definite answer although the Pancreatic Pooh Bah is convinced the growth is a small, pancreatic cancer in an early stage which can be removed surgically within the next few weeks. The only snag right now is that they must be absolutely certain it is a pancreatic cancer and not a metastasis from the lung. Yet again, slices of my lung biopsy from two years ago must be sent to Sloan to be compared with the ones of my pancreas sent the other yesterday. I should know something definitive within a few days and if it is the pancreas alone, surgery will be done in about two weeks. So, keep you prayers going. I know it must seem odd to pray that it is a pancreatic cancer but it is one that is contained and easily - ha, easily - removed. I keep reminding myself that pain is finite and eventually goes away. If it is the lung metastasizing, then I'm in for a long battle with chemo, etc.
Forgive me for being so short this evening but I am sooo tired.
Believe!
As always, love from me to you!
November 18, 2008
Sweeney Todd's Deli
The pathology department representative did call me today for my credit card number so that a slice of my biopsy tissue could be sent overnight to the doctor at Sloan Kettering. Of course, I gave her my American Express although she really wanted a MasterCard or Visa. I felt as though I was disappointing her by not having the card of her choice. I have to tell you that ordering a slice of my cancer tissue made me think I of shopping in some deli created by Mel Brooks (or John Sullivan, now that I think of it.) Hey, give me a slice or two of that lung cancer and throw in a little pancreatic juice, too.....maybe just a touch of liver and two fingers worth of bile. What, there is a special today on fully blocked arteries? So, I'll take a pound. . .this could go on but I imagine I may have lost a few of you back at the slices. Just remember, folks, you heard it here first!
I guess I am feeling a little goofy as I am waiting to hear from Onco Man who promised to call this evening with his decision on whether we are dealing with lung metastasis or a new cancer in the pancreas. The clock crawls ever so slowly when you are waiting for a call - and I know he doesn't call until after office hours about 7ish so why have I been staring at the clock since 5 am this morning?
I have put all my medications in a plastic bag as instructed by my kindly guide at Sloan; put the bag with the CDs of my latest scans and written reports (which I tried to figure out to no avail - they use such big words in those medical reports - no wonder they get the big bucks.)
Winter is rapidly approaching - it was actually cold today and I don't even have my winter clothes ready yet. I was wearing shorts and a summer shirt over the weekend. I need to pull together something warm for tomorrow as Manhattan can be a bit chilly.
Glory be! Jack finally called the eye doctor and guess what? He changed his drops to another kind. What a miracle! Why Jack suffered for all those days when he could have just made one phone call, I will never figure out - not even after almost 40 years of marriage. Hopefully, these drops will help. Jack is not pleased with all the folks who told him it was a piece of cake - it was not a piece of cake for him unless you count moldy fruit cake.
Believe!
As always, love from me to you!
I guess I am feeling a little goofy as I am waiting to hear from Onco Man who promised to call this evening with his decision on whether we are dealing with lung metastasis or a new cancer in the pancreas. The clock crawls ever so slowly when you are waiting for a call - and I know he doesn't call until after office hours about 7ish so why have I been staring at the clock since 5 am this morning?
I have put all my medications in a plastic bag as instructed by my kindly guide at Sloan; put the bag with the CDs of my latest scans and written reports (which I tried to figure out to no avail - they use such big words in those medical reports - no wonder they get the big bucks.)
Winter is rapidly approaching - it was actually cold today and I don't even have my winter clothes ready yet. I was wearing shorts and a summer shirt over the weekend. I need to pull together something warm for tomorrow as Manhattan can be a bit chilly.
Glory be! Jack finally called the eye doctor and guess what? He changed his drops to another kind. What a miracle! Why Jack suffered for all those days when he could have just made one phone call, I will never figure out - not even after almost 40 years of marriage. Hopefully, these drops will help. Jack is not pleased with all the folks who told him it was a piece of cake - it was not a piece of cake for him unless you count moldy fruit cake.
Believe!
As always, love from me to you!
November 17, 2008
Catching Up
Yesterday flew by so quickly that I never had a chance to sit down and write a few lines. Eileen, Virginia and I went to lunch and had such a good time that the afternoon was gone before I knew it. There are no friends like old friends - and we three have been friends 54 or so years but who's counting? We three have managed to survive the damages that childhood and teenage scraps, scrapes and bruises can do to tear apart friends. We've had our differences over the years and we've been separated by distances, too, but nothing has broken those steel bonds of friendship and sisterhood. We've been through it all - the good, the bad, the sad and the hilarious - and came out stronger for it all. Virginia and Eileen are sisters by birth and blood, along with our baby sister, Mary, the three of them have adopted me as their own. We kind of fit that adage which says you can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives - only this time, we picked our relatives as well!
Anyway, Virginia is not only a good friend but a nurse par excellence. They let me vent my true feelings about this latest crisis and then assured me that death was not lurking around the bend waiting to snatch me. She explained how the latest techniques and medications would add years to my life and that my only option was to enter this battle prepared to win it. So, that's that.
Today Jack and I went to see our attorney and I signed all those awful but so necessary papers of health proxy and living will. I would never want my family to have to make those decisions for me so my signature now stands clearly and legally for all to see what my wishes are. It was something I wanted to do for a long time but when it came time to actually sign it, I have to admit I did have a moment of hesitation - but they are signed and I have placed it all in the hands of the Big Fella - who only lets me think I'm in charge anyway!
We also dropped off a "permission" letter to NSUH pathology department so they can release a slice of my biopsy tissue to Sloan. I enclosed the check for $25 thinking I understood the phone recording but that was only for processing. They want another $25 to mail it overnight - when it is ready they'll call for my credit card. When I heard it was another $25 to mail it I figure it would be cheaper to send it in by limo.
Mrs. Russo sent me a Guardian Angel medal and blessed water which was delivered by her daughter and my dear pal, Marianne. It was good to spend an hour or so together, sipping our coffee and chatting about life in general.
I want to send a shout out to my readers in the great state of Massachusetts! I drank my coffee out of a Red Sox cup all day! Kate said you read my posts and I am very flattered!
As always, love from me to you!
Anyway, Virginia is not only a good friend but a nurse par excellence. They let me vent my true feelings about this latest crisis and then assured me that death was not lurking around the bend waiting to snatch me. She explained how the latest techniques and medications would add years to my life and that my only option was to enter this battle prepared to win it. So, that's that.
Today Jack and I went to see our attorney and I signed all those awful but so necessary papers of health proxy and living will. I would never want my family to have to make those decisions for me so my signature now stands clearly and legally for all to see what my wishes are. It was something I wanted to do for a long time but when it came time to actually sign it, I have to admit I did have a moment of hesitation - but they are signed and I have placed it all in the hands of the Big Fella - who only lets me think I'm in charge anyway!
We also dropped off a "permission" letter to NSUH pathology department so they can release a slice of my biopsy tissue to Sloan. I enclosed the check for $25 thinking I understood the phone recording but that was only for processing. They want another $25 to mail it overnight - when it is ready they'll call for my credit card. When I heard it was another $25 to mail it I figure it would be cheaper to send it in by limo.
Mrs. Russo sent me a Guardian Angel medal and blessed water which was delivered by her daughter and my dear pal, Marianne. It was good to spend an hour or so together, sipping our coffee and chatting about life in general.
I want to send a shout out to my readers in the great state of Massachusetts! I drank my coffee out of a Red Sox cup all day! Kate said you read my posts and I am very flattered!
As always, love from me to you!
November 15, 2008
Two Halves Equal a Whole!
Happiness is having no time stamp at the end of my blogs anymore! It has been driving me crazy that some arbitrary time has been assigned to my postings - made me look like I am at my computer 24/7! The more I tried to fix it, the worse it became. So, of course, I turned to my Blog Wizard, Kate, who guided me through the electronic maze to fix it. I still did not do it correctly so I asked Kate to do it for me. Meanwhile, I figured it out - but at the same time, she also fixed it. So we are both taking credit for the solution and proving that two half-wits equal a whole!
It is a miserable, rainy, windy Saturday here and Jack's eye is bothering him. He was up and out early this morning with his buddy Teddy Roosevelt and has been snoozing on and off the rest of the day in the recliner guarding the football games on TV. I have taken myself to the bed, been snoozing on and off and watching anything but football and reading. I just got up to figure out what's for dinner - not much, for sure. Some bbq spareribs already cooked and ready for glazing in the oven, sweet potatoes and some corn...... some salad, I suppose. There is still a gallon of the beef soup left - I guess I got carried away the other night. Time for freezing it, I suppose as neither of us want to look at it anymore! Why do those damn ditali macaroni keep growing and growing?
There was a grand surprise in my e-mail today. Kate is coming home on Friday night to stay until Sunday and Agnes will bring her parents on Saturday - Kate will go home on Sunday night and be back Wednesday to Saturday. Too much travel for Kate but I am happy to have my little clan surround me during these trying times. Jack will drive Agnes and her parents home on Sunday as well. My Crones and Miss Jean Brodie are putting off the brunch we scheduled for next Sunday until early December depending on what my medical schedule will be. Tomorrow Virginia and Eileen will join me for the afternoon. My life is blessed with abundance.
Last night I had a very long chat with my incredibly humane Oncologist (hereby called Onco Man with great affection.) Even though all the results from the pathology are not in, he is firmly convinced that I am not dealing with a new cancer, i.e., pancreatic cancer cells, but that the lung cancer is metastasizing and is now in the pancreas. This has not been confirmed but it is more likely than being hit with two different cancers at the same time - for you see, there are growths in my lung again. So, he will confer with the pathologist on Monday and have him compare the slides from two years ago and the ones from last week. If the cells are the same, we have our answer. I guess no answer was going to be a good one, but having the lung cancer on the rampage is not the one I wanted. Looks like the answer will be chemo, chemo and more chemo. I will be talking with him on Tuesday. He and I agree that I will still be treated at Sloan Kettering regardless of the diagnosis. I hate to leave him and my Long Island doctors who have been so incredible but I have to move on to higher ground for my battle......he and my other doctors are behind me 100%. Such goodness. He said the important thing is not who my doctor is but that I win the battle. If he wasn't such an Irishman I'd call him a real Mensch.
Last but not least, I want to tell Lisa Farley that I have been going to the site she sent me and finding it incredibly inspiring. It is my first site in the early morning when I can't sleep. I follow the thought and you would be amazed at the conversations I have been having. I am learning to listen for the answers and they come quietly in gentle friends and loved ones - including you.
Going back to snuggle under a my down blanket until I smell dinner burning.
As always love, from me to you!
It is a miserable, rainy, windy Saturday here and Jack's eye is bothering him. He was up and out early this morning with his buddy Teddy Roosevelt and has been snoozing on and off the rest of the day in the recliner guarding the football games on TV. I have taken myself to the bed, been snoozing on and off and watching anything but football and reading. I just got up to figure out what's for dinner - not much, for sure. Some bbq spareribs already cooked and ready for glazing in the oven, sweet potatoes and some corn...... some salad, I suppose. There is still a gallon of the beef soup left - I guess I got carried away the other night. Time for freezing it, I suppose as neither of us want to look at it anymore! Why do those damn ditali macaroni keep growing and growing?
There was a grand surprise in my e-mail today. Kate is coming home on Friday night to stay until Sunday and Agnes will bring her parents on Saturday - Kate will go home on Sunday night and be back Wednesday to Saturday. Too much travel for Kate but I am happy to have my little clan surround me during these trying times. Jack will drive Agnes and her parents home on Sunday as well. My Crones and Miss Jean Brodie are putting off the brunch we scheduled for next Sunday until early December depending on what my medical schedule will be. Tomorrow Virginia and Eileen will join me for the afternoon. My life is blessed with abundance.
Last night I had a very long chat with my incredibly humane Oncologist (hereby called Onco Man with great affection.) Even though all the results from the pathology are not in, he is firmly convinced that I am not dealing with a new cancer, i.e., pancreatic cancer cells, but that the lung cancer is metastasizing and is now in the pancreas. This has not been confirmed but it is more likely than being hit with two different cancers at the same time - for you see, there are growths in my lung again. So, he will confer with the pathologist on Monday and have him compare the slides from two years ago and the ones from last week. If the cells are the same, we have our answer. I guess no answer was going to be a good one, but having the lung cancer on the rampage is not the one I wanted. Looks like the answer will be chemo, chemo and more chemo. I will be talking with him on Tuesday. He and I agree that I will still be treated at Sloan Kettering regardless of the diagnosis. I hate to leave him and my Long Island doctors who have been so incredible but I have to move on to higher ground for my battle......he and my other doctors are behind me 100%. Such goodness. He said the important thing is not who my doctor is but that I win the battle. If he wasn't such an Irishman I'd call him a real Mensch.
Last but not least, I want to tell Lisa Farley that I have been going to the site she sent me and finding it incredibly inspiring. It is my first site in the early morning when I can't sleep. I follow the thought and you would be amazed at the conversations I have been having. I am learning to listen for the answers and they come quietly in gentle friends and loved ones - including you.
Going back to snuggle under a my down blanket until I smell dinner burning.
As always love, from me to you!
November 14, 2008
Woot!
I am sure you will all rejoice with me when I tell you that I have an appointment scheduled for Wednesday, November 19 at 1:15 p.m. with Dr. DeMatteo at Sloan Kettering Memorial Hospital. This was a wonderful ending to a frustrating week of waiting. I still don't have the full pathological results of my biopsy (and I am writing this at 4:15 p.m. regardless of what time it shows as posted) but I forged ahead and made some phone calls which did me little good but the wonderful folks at Dr. Donnelly's office sent all necessary paperwork to Dr. DeMatteo's office - except the pathology because it isn't ready - and Dr. DeMatteo's staff gave me an appointment! They were so kind and understanding about my frantic fear of time wasting with such a quick growing disease. No matter what else happens, at this moment I feel a profound sense of relief that I have an appointment with a pancreatic specialist at one of the finest hospitals in the world.
My bronchitis/sinus combo seems better today. At least my nose is clear - I am still coughing unless I really keep quiet and rest. It is a good excuse to lie in bed and read or watch TV anyway. The weather is so dreadful outside, damp and dreary.
A few of the Crones are trying to get together for a brunch next Sunday. I have come to realize that part of being a woman warrior is that we have to have a lot of meetings over brunch, lunch or dinner. It is good - feed the body and feed the soul at the same time!
On a lighter note, I am so mad at NBC for cancelling Lipstick Jungle. I loved that show - so glamorous and so inspiring to Cougar wannabees. What will they replace it with, another stupid reality show? I can't believe how much we spend each month on cable TV and there still is nothing to watch and when you find something you really enjoy, they cancel it. If they would stop moving shows around so that it is impossible to find what night they are on, maybe the shows would have a chance to get a following.
As always love, from me to you.
My bronchitis/sinus combo seems better today. At least my nose is clear - I am still coughing unless I really keep quiet and rest. It is a good excuse to lie in bed and read or watch TV anyway. The weather is so dreadful outside, damp and dreary.
A few of the Crones are trying to get together for a brunch next Sunday. I have come to realize that part of being a woman warrior is that we have to have a lot of meetings over brunch, lunch or dinner. It is good - feed the body and feed the soul at the same time!
On a lighter note, I am so mad at NBC for cancelling Lipstick Jungle. I loved that show - so glamorous and so inspiring to Cougar wannabees. What will they replace it with, another stupid reality show? I can't believe how much we spend each month on cable TV and there still is nothing to watch and when you find something you really enjoy, they cancel it. If they would stop moving shows around so that it is impossible to find what night they are on, maybe the shows would have a chance to get a following.
As always love, from me to you.
November 13, 2008
Put the Ex in Hex
Today I am going to let off a little steam! I deeply appreciate the love and prayers that are being sent to me by all of you, but, please stop sending me chain letters which promise healing if I send them on to any number of others....especially the ones with a subtle threat tagging along at the end that if I don't follow these instructions and send them forward any number of unlucky things will happen to me or mine. Even though I usually delete them, there is always a little nagging voice in my head that says "uh, maybe you should have forwarded it."
On the other hand, I have received some beautiful and thought provoking photos and poems as well as prayers that are moving and filled with hope and the spirit of belief that all will be well. I am asking nicely, read the thing through first - if it needs to go forward, please spare me the unnecessary stress. I know your hearts are in the right place but some days I receive four to six of the same "hex" if I don't forward it. Trust me when I say I'm not looking for any more ill luck these days!
Still haven't heard the results of the full pathology from Monday. Guess tomorrow will be the big day. I have made progress in arranging for my records to be sent to the doctor at Sloan Kettering and for the diagnostic lab to run a CD of my recent CT and PET scans to the surgeon at Sloan. I have to pick it up tomorrow. As soon as the pathology is f inished, I have to arrange to either pick up or have overnighted a piece of the tumor. The last time I expected to be carrying in a little jar filled with formaldehyde - not so, everything is encased in wax these days. The labs must look like delicatessans with all these rolls of tumors lying around ready for slicing. (Oh, come on, that is a pretty funny mental image!) I feel better having taken control and made some forward movement. It's the waiting and doing nothing that frustrates me.
My bronchitis/sinus infection lingers on. Today I spent so much time coughing I thought I'd go mad. I finally took a benedryl and went to sleep. That seemed to calm it down so maybe there is an allergen at work as well.
Let's hope tomorrow will bring me some news - good news preferred.
As always love, from me to you.
On the other hand, I have received some beautiful and thought provoking photos and poems as well as prayers that are moving and filled with hope and the spirit of belief that all will be well. I am asking nicely, read the thing through first - if it needs to go forward, please spare me the unnecessary stress. I know your hearts are in the right place but some days I receive four to six of the same "hex" if I don't forward it. Trust me when I say I'm not looking for any more ill luck these days!
Still haven't heard the results of the full pathology from Monday. Guess tomorrow will be the big day. I have made progress in arranging for my records to be sent to the doctor at Sloan Kettering and for the diagnostic lab to run a CD of my recent CT and PET scans to the surgeon at Sloan. I have to pick it up tomorrow. As soon as the pathology is f inished, I have to arrange to either pick up or have overnighted a piece of the tumor. The last time I expected to be carrying in a little jar filled with formaldehyde - not so, everything is encased in wax these days. The labs must look like delicatessans with all these rolls of tumors lying around ready for slicing. (Oh, come on, that is a pretty funny mental image!) I feel better having taken control and made some forward movement. It's the waiting and doing nothing that frustrates me.
My bronchitis/sinus infection lingers on. Today I spent so much time coughing I thought I'd go mad. I finally took a benedryl and went to sleep. That seemed to calm it down so maybe there is an allergen at work as well.
Let's hope tomorrow will bring me some news - good news preferred.
As always love, from me to you.
November 12, 2008
Happy Anniversary, Ted and Rosemary!
Forty-eight years ago today, I wore my first pair of high heels. They were beautiful - orange satin pumps with butterflies embossed all over them. They went with my Wild Pumpkin junior bridesmaid dress at Ted and Rosemary's wedding. Between the hoop skirt and the stiletto heels - well 2 inch heels but they were skinny heels, it is amazing that I did not kill myself on the way down the aisle. It was a beautiful autumn day and the clear blue sky acted as a magnificent backdrop for the leaves that ruffled on the branches of the trees. The leaves looked handpainted to match our dresses. It was a glorious day for a wedding. So, happy anniversary to Ted and Rosemary! Forty eight years is quite an accomplishment!
NSUH/LIJ called this morning to ask if I was ok after my procedure; how was I treated; and to tell me if I had any residual problem to notify my doctor or go to the emergency room. I said I was as fine as could be from the procedure but when would I get the full pathology. Maybe next Monday, it takes a week to ten days....only twice as long as I was told on Monday. This is going to be a looooonnnnngggg week.
At least my head cold/bronchitis is a little clearer today. Except for an occasional attack of coughing, it has calmed a bit. As long as I stay quiet. I woke up choking during the night but used my inhaler and some cough medication and good old Vicks Vaporub and fell right back to sleep. I still maintain that Vicks is the cure for everything nasal or chest or headache related.
Yesterday I baked brownies and today I made pumpkin waffles. Those who know me well know that whenever I feel upset, I cook. I'm sure we'll have some kind of homemade soup for dinner tonight - I feel the urge coming on even at 11 am. Oh, please don't pay attention to the time that this seems to be posted. I learned yesterday that if I put the correct time in - as oposed to letting the blog gods set the time - it doesn't get posted or it gets posted the next day. Anyway, I've decided to ignore the time as it really doesn't matter to anyone except me and a few anal friends who would question why I am posting at 3 am when it is really noon. Part of my new acceptance is to let go of the things I can't change. (Even though it is driving me nutz!)
The afternoon has flown by and I did make beef vegetable soup for dinner in case you find this interesting. I have also pressed something that is causing my edits to overtype so I am going to end this edition right now.
As always love, from me to you.
NSUH/LIJ called this morning to ask if I was ok after my procedure; how was I treated; and to tell me if I had any residual problem to notify my doctor or go to the emergency room. I said I was as fine as could be from the procedure but when would I get the full pathology. Maybe next Monday, it takes a week to ten days....only twice as long as I was told on Monday. This is going to be a looooonnnnngggg week.
At least my head cold/bronchitis is a little clearer today. Except for an occasional attack of coughing, it has calmed a bit. As long as I stay quiet. I woke up choking during the night but used my inhaler and some cough medication and good old Vicks Vaporub and fell right back to sleep. I still maintain that Vicks is the cure for everything nasal or chest or headache related.
Yesterday I baked brownies and today I made pumpkin waffles. Those who know me well know that whenever I feel upset, I cook. I'm sure we'll have some kind of homemade soup for dinner tonight - I feel the urge coming on even at 11 am. Oh, please don't pay attention to the time that this seems to be posted. I learned yesterday that if I put the correct time in - as oposed to letting the blog gods set the time - it doesn't get posted or it gets posted the next day. Anyway, I've decided to ignore the time as it really doesn't matter to anyone except me and a few anal friends who would question why I am posting at 3 am when it is really noon. Part of my new acceptance is to let go of the things I can't change. (Even though it is driving me nutz!)
The afternoon has flown by and I did make beef vegetable soup for dinner in case you find this interesting. I have also pressed something that is causing my edits to overtype so I am going to end this edition right now.
As always love, from me to you.
November 11, 2008
Believe!
Today I learned that this blog stuff is not easy when the blog site decides to arbitrarily ignore your posting. Thankfully, Kate knows what she is doing so she kindly straightened out whatever went wrong with yesterday's. It's like the Printer's Devil - the one blog everyone was waiting for just would not appear!
Jack went for another checkup today on his eye and I'm happy to say he is doing very well. Right now he is up on our roof clearing out the gutters.
I had a conversation with my Internist today and she told me to call the doctor at Sloan and make an appointment. I did that and spoke to a gal who already had all my info from two years ago and told me what I needed to have faxed to her before an appointment could be confirmed. I then called my Oncologist's office and they will be sending all the pertinent information by the end of the week when the final pathology is in. Hopefully I will be having a consultation with the surgeon at Sloan by the end of next week. We are all praying that this is a new cancer and that the lung cancer is not metastasizing - that would not be good at all, at all. I was under the impression that lung cancer does not spread to the pancreas but learned today that it can in rare cases. Please pray that I am not a rare case.
I feel a little better now that I am able to take some control of the situation and move it along. I am also on medication for my bronchitis and sinusitis and feeling better already - the two hour nap did not hurt either.
A good friend of mine who does not put much stock in "signs" said she was thinking of me while riding an escalator in a department store today and hoping that all would go well for me. As she reached the top of the escalator, there was a huge, red sign which said "Believe." So, that will be our motto for the time being "Believe." Powerful word that - BELIEVE. I do believe that all will work out for the best even if it means going through some rough patches.
Today is also Veteran's Day and I cannot close without a salute to all those who have put their lives on the line to protect our freedoms. God bless them, their families and God bless America.
Believe!
As always love, from me to you.
Jack went for another checkup today on his eye and I'm happy to say he is doing very well. Right now he is up on our roof clearing out the gutters.
I had a conversation with my Internist today and she told me to call the doctor at Sloan and make an appointment. I did that and spoke to a gal who already had all my info from two years ago and told me what I needed to have faxed to her before an appointment could be confirmed. I then called my Oncologist's office and they will be sending all the pertinent information by the end of the week when the final pathology is in. Hopefully I will be having a consultation with the surgeon at Sloan by the end of next week. We are all praying that this is a new cancer and that the lung cancer is not metastasizing - that would not be good at all, at all. I was under the impression that lung cancer does not spread to the pancreas but learned today that it can in rare cases. Please pray that I am not a rare case.
I feel a little better now that I am able to take some control of the situation and move it along. I am also on medication for my bronchitis and sinusitis and feeling better already - the two hour nap did not hurt either.
A good friend of mine who does not put much stock in "signs" said she was thinking of me while riding an escalator in a department store today and hoping that all would go well for me. As she reached the top of the escalator, there was a huge, red sign which said "Believe." So, that will be our motto for the time being "Believe." Powerful word that - BELIEVE. I do believe that all will work out for the best even if it means going through some rough patches.
Today is also Veteran's Day and I cannot close without a salute to all those who have put their lives on the line to protect our freedoms. God bless them, their families and God bless America.
Believe!
As always love, from me to you.
November 10, 2008
The Battle Begins
Sorry I haven't been writing the last few days but I gave myself the weekend off! Agnes Rose and her parents were here Saturday and Sunday and we got to babysit her on Saturday night for a few hours. I had so much fun feeding her - she really loves her dinner! Her new trick this weekend was learning to blow a kiss, do I have to say how adorable that was? The visit took my mind off what was upcoming this morning.
Needless to say, I had trouble sleeping last night, worrying about this endoscopic biopsy. I finally fell into a deep sleep around 5 am. At six, Jack leaped out of bed bellowing for me to get in gear we had to get ready to go to the hospital. I looked at the clock and thought he's up awfully early for a 10 am appointment. When he came out of the shower, he wondered why I was still nose deep in down covers. I said why are you up so early for a 10 am arrival. Poor man is under so much stress he thought the appointment was 8 am. So, he got back into bed for another hour or so.
We arrived at the hospital on time, I answered the same questions, I filled out the same forms - again - and was prepped for the biopsy. I have to say that the nurses in the endoscopic area are fabulous - kind, gentle and humorous. They really put you at ease.
The biopsy began promptly at 11 am and was over by noon. I wish I could tell you the results were wonderful and it was all a mistake but I would be lying. The initial pathology shows malignant cells in the mass on the pancreatic tail. The more detailed pathology will be ready in three to four days. At that time we will know if this is a new cancer or if it has spread from the original lung cancer. (Up to this point all my doctors have said that lung cancer does not spread to the pancreas so, as weird as it sounds, I am hoping this is a new cancer.) I am awaiting calls from my oncologist and internist - if they don't call this evening, I will call them tomorrow. I want to get the arrangements for Sloan Kettering moving.
I apologize to you if you've been waiting all day for this news. I came home and went straight to bed. I think I have bronchitis on top of all the rest! And, of course, I needed some time to get my head around this new information. TODAY, 11/11 I saw that my post was in DRAFT and did not get posted. Not a good omen. Hopefully it will go up now.
We have a new battle to fight. And, we will fight it until we win. It will be easy with you all at my side.
As always love, from me to you.
Needless to say, I had trouble sleeping last night, worrying about this endoscopic biopsy. I finally fell into a deep sleep around 5 am. At six, Jack leaped out of bed bellowing for me to get in gear we had to get ready to go to the hospital. I looked at the clock and thought he's up awfully early for a 10 am appointment. When he came out of the shower, he wondered why I was still nose deep in down covers. I said why are you up so early for a 10 am arrival. Poor man is under so much stress he thought the appointment was 8 am. So, he got back into bed for another hour or so.
We arrived at the hospital on time, I answered the same questions, I filled out the same forms - again - and was prepped for the biopsy. I have to say that the nurses in the endoscopic area are fabulous - kind, gentle and humorous. They really put you at ease.
The biopsy began promptly at 11 am and was over by noon. I wish I could tell you the results were wonderful and it was all a mistake but I would be lying. The initial pathology shows malignant cells in the mass on the pancreatic tail. The more detailed pathology will be ready in three to four days. At that time we will know if this is a new cancer or if it has spread from the original lung cancer. (Up to this point all my doctors have said that lung cancer does not spread to the pancreas so, as weird as it sounds, I am hoping this is a new cancer.) I am awaiting calls from my oncologist and internist - if they don't call this evening, I will call them tomorrow. I want to get the arrangements for Sloan Kettering moving.
I apologize to you if you've been waiting all day for this news. I came home and went straight to bed. I think I have bronchitis on top of all the rest! And, of course, I needed some time to get my head around this new information. TODAY, 11/11 I saw that my post was in DRAFT and did not get posted. Not a good omen. Hopefully it will go up now.
We have a new battle to fight. And, we will fight it until we win. It will be easy with you all at my side.
As always love, from me to you.
November 06, 2008
Eye - OK!
Today's posting will be a short one.....Jack's surgery was a success although left him exhausted - and me, too, for some reason. We had to go back into Manhattan this morning for the surgeon to check out the eye and all is absolutely fine. We had some good luck as we had an 11:30 a.m. appointment but we managed to catch a train that was ahead of the one we had planned on; got out at Penn Station and there was no one on the taxi line and about 20 cabs waiting. We jumped into a cab, had no traffic and arrived at the doctor's office at 9:45 a.m - not toooo early! Anyway, he took Jack at about 10 a.m. and we were able to catch a taxi and a train and were back in Manhasset before the 11:30 a.m. appointment would have begun!
So, we went out for lunch which was a nice treat after two hectic days and an unusual thing for us to do. It was fun but we were both so tired, we wound up sleeping the afternoon away. I am still full from lunch so I'm not sure what Jack wants to do about supper. Last night, he ate nothing.
The only funny thing that happened on the train today is that my shoe slid off my foot (don't ask) and rolled under the seat in front of me. The people in the seats did not look the sort you would tap and say, "excuse me, but my shoe is under your seat." Well, luck continued to smile because with a little bit of contortion, I managed to reach my foot under the seat and snag my shoe. So, the problem was resolved and I did not have to walk around Manhattan like Deedle, Deedle Dumpling, My Son John.
As always, love from me to you.
So, we went out for lunch which was a nice treat after two hectic days and an unusual thing for us to do. It was fun but we were both so tired, we wound up sleeping the afternoon away. I am still full from lunch so I'm not sure what Jack wants to do about supper. Last night, he ate nothing.
The only funny thing that happened on the train today is that my shoe slid off my foot (don't ask) and rolled under the seat in front of me. The people in the seats did not look the sort you would tap and say, "excuse me, but my shoe is under your seat." Well, luck continued to smile because with a little bit of contortion, I managed to reach my foot under the seat and snag my shoe. So, the problem was resolved and I did not have to walk around Manhattan like Deedle, Deedle Dumpling, My Son John.
As always, love from me to you.
November 05, 2008
Always behave, you never know who knows you!
First off, Jack had his cataract surgery today and all went well. We arrived at the hospital at 6 a.m.; surgery was at 8 and we were home in the house at 11:30 a.m. Needless to say, having gotten up at 4 a.m. (3:30 for me), we have been having a snooze for most of the afternoon. Jack looks great and it is always a source of amazement what medical science can do today. I remember when cataract surgery meant a life of very thick eyeglasses and now they put the new lens right in your eye - and you have a choice of seeing far or "reading" more clearly. Jack will be getting some reading glasses!
He said to surprise him for dinner, so I am going to surprise him with an assortment of leftovers - meatloaf, pasta with winter squash, salad, etc. With his one eye patched, maybe we can play pirate and captured maiden after dinner (oops, I forgot this is a "G" rated site.)
Secondly, I had another six degrees of separation experience today. The gentleman who drove us into the city has been an aquaintance of Jack's for a few years but I never met him. He got a parking space right near the hospital so he came in to keep me company. Well, I really should have been a detective. Within five minutes, we were so involved in conversation about the various individuals that we both know - and know well. As a matter of fact, our lives have followed parallel paths for many, many years. When Jack could have a visitor after he came down from surgery, I assured myself he was alright, told him to snooze a bit because I wanted to get back and finish my conversation about friends in common. Jack was flabbergasted that his friend and I both knew so many of the same people. I can't imagine that we had not met before although maybe we have but age has a way of disguising some of us. Those of you who know me will not have trouble believing this story! It isn't so strange that I know all these folks and Jack doesn't because he worked around the clock for 35 years and I had to make my own way in the world of meeting folk through church, school, etc. However, we were never part of the neighborhood couple groups because of his hours and working on weekends, etc. I guess this is all part of living in a small town - sort of like Cheers! where everyone knows your name. Some of the dots connected as our kids went to school or worked together.
It is 5:25 p.m. and Jack just walked into the kitchen (where I am sitting in the dark and writing this blog) and asked me why I was up. It took me a few minutes to realize he was disoriented, too, when he asked me what time it was and I said 5:25. He looked at me with his one good eye, shining in the reflection of the computer looking every bit like Cyclops and said "morning?" I said no "night." He thought he had slept through the night, poor guy. I sent him back to bed.
It is also my duty to inform you that my pal, Pat, does not wish to be a Crone yet as she is younger than the other crones (by about 4 months) so she will be referred to as Miss Brodie henceforth as she is "still in her prime."
Time to heat up the leftovers.
As always, love from me to you!
He said to surprise him for dinner, so I am going to surprise him with an assortment of leftovers - meatloaf, pasta with winter squash, salad, etc. With his one eye patched, maybe we can play pirate and captured maiden after dinner (oops, I forgot this is a "G" rated site.)
Secondly, I had another six degrees of separation experience today. The gentleman who drove us into the city has been an aquaintance of Jack's for a few years but I never met him. He got a parking space right near the hospital so he came in to keep me company. Well, I really should have been a detective. Within five minutes, we were so involved in conversation about the various individuals that we both know - and know well. As a matter of fact, our lives have followed parallel paths for many, many years. When Jack could have a visitor after he came down from surgery, I assured myself he was alright, told him to snooze a bit because I wanted to get back and finish my conversation about friends in common. Jack was flabbergasted that his friend and I both knew so many of the same people. I can't imagine that we had not met before although maybe we have but age has a way of disguising some of us. Those of you who know me will not have trouble believing this story! It isn't so strange that I know all these folks and Jack doesn't because he worked around the clock for 35 years and I had to make my own way in the world of meeting folk through church, school, etc. However, we were never part of the neighborhood couple groups because of his hours and working on weekends, etc. I guess this is all part of living in a small town - sort of like Cheers! where everyone knows your name. Some of the dots connected as our kids went to school or worked together.
It is 5:25 p.m. and Jack just walked into the kitchen (where I am sitting in the dark and writing this blog) and asked me why I was up. It took me a few minutes to realize he was disoriented, too, when he asked me what time it was and I said 5:25. He looked at me with his one good eye, shining in the reflection of the computer looking every bit like Cyclops and said "morning?" I said no "night." He thought he had slept through the night, poor guy. I sent him back to bed.
It is also my duty to inform you that my pal, Pat, does not wish to be a Crone yet as she is younger than the other crones (by about 4 months) so she will be referred to as Miss Brodie henceforth as she is "still in her prime."
Time to heat up the leftovers.
As always, love from me to you!
November 04, 2008
Joy oh Joy!
This morning started early enough since I was afraid my alarm would not go off, I awoke every hour and finally gave up trying to sleep at 5 a.m. My appointment for PTS (pre-surgical-testing) was for 8 a.m. - fifteen minutes from this house and Jack was driving and parking! Anyway, it gave me the opportunity to watch some early morning TV and see the lines of people waiting to vote. The testing was simple enough and for once they found a vein on the first shot. I passed the EKG, my lungs were clear and my heart strong. Ironic that - clear lungs - at least I am still breathing.
Jack and I voted on the way home before the lines grew too long. Parking is a real problem at our polling place as it is the local middle school which is in session so the lot is pretty full until the end of the school day. I was surprised the kids weren't off today as it is a presidential election.
Tomorrow is Jack's turn ... he will have his cataract surgery at 7 am. Send some good karma his way, please. He is being really strong about this as he has convinced himself it is a piece of cake.
While I was twisting and turning through the night, I got to thinking of my definition of the "mother" stage of the Celtic woman. (See November 1 installment for details) We tend to think of "mother" as a woman who has raised and nurtured a child or children. Lack of sleep sometimes helps the Crone produce profound thoughts......."mother" is not only someone who raises children but a person who nurtures and cares for other living creatures. Many in my generation are living to "mother" their own mothers. There are those who have given their lives to take care of family members unable to care for themselves. And, don't forget those who take care of animals - domestic and wild. The "mother" stage does not end with the Crone stage but continues on as we continue to nurture each other. Enough philosophy for today.
I had a happy few minutes of "babysitting" one of my sweet girls who live next door. One year old Nicholette (who is exactly 2 weeks older than Agnes Rose) was sound asleep and Catherine needed to be picked up at school. I stayed with Nicholette and Lexi, their little cockapoo dog who has always kept her distance from me. Not today, today she decided I was her best friend in the world and cleaned my face with kisses. She brought me her toys. She barked and woke up Nicholette who was content to lie on my chest with her binkie and blanket until her mom and sister returned home. I have to admit the cause of Lexi barking was MY cat lurking on the front stoop looking for me and irritating the poor dog! I, however, was in heaven as there is nothing more wonderful than holding a snuggly, sweet baby. I can't wait until Saturday as Jack and I will babysit Agnes Rose for the evening. There will be lots of snuggling then!
And then, when I thought it could not get any better, our friends Roger and Yvonne called from England. Roger has always been an ardent follower of American politics and called to wish us a happy election day! He said he would wait up through the night in London for the results. Roger also wanted to make sure that we voted and I was happy to tell him we already had! We have had so much fun with these friends from across the pond. We met when our younger daughters were paired up in an exchange program through middle school. When our family was in Europe celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary, Roger and Yvonne met us in London and it was an instant and lasting friendship - more than 15 years and still going strong. We have had the best Thanksgivings when they were able to be with us and the Ferriers and a really fun time when we met up with them in Dublin one year. They never fail to lift our spirits.
So, I continue to live in joy as I await whatever the future holds.
As always, love from me to you.
Jack and I voted on the way home before the lines grew too long. Parking is a real problem at our polling place as it is the local middle school which is in session so the lot is pretty full until the end of the school day. I was surprised the kids weren't off today as it is a presidential election.
Tomorrow is Jack's turn ... he will have his cataract surgery at 7 am. Send some good karma his way, please. He is being really strong about this as he has convinced himself it is a piece of cake.
While I was twisting and turning through the night, I got to thinking of my definition of the "mother" stage of the Celtic woman. (See November 1 installment for details) We tend to think of "mother" as a woman who has raised and nurtured a child or children. Lack of sleep sometimes helps the Crone produce profound thoughts......."mother" is not only someone who raises children but a person who nurtures and cares for other living creatures. Many in my generation are living to "mother" their own mothers. There are those who have given their lives to take care of family members unable to care for themselves. And, don't forget those who take care of animals - domestic and wild. The "mother" stage does not end with the Crone stage but continues on as we continue to nurture each other. Enough philosophy for today.
I had a happy few minutes of "babysitting" one of my sweet girls who live next door. One year old Nicholette (who is exactly 2 weeks older than Agnes Rose) was sound asleep and Catherine needed to be picked up at school. I stayed with Nicholette and Lexi, their little cockapoo dog who has always kept her distance from me. Not today, today she decided I was her best friend in the world and cleaned my face with kisses. She brought me her toys. She barked and woke up Nicholette who was content to lie on my chest with her binkie and blanket until her mom and sister returned home. I have to admit the cause of Lexi barking was MY cat lurking on the front stoop looking for me and irritating the poor dog! I, however, was in heaven as there is nothing more wonderful than holding a snuggly, sweet baby. I can't wait until Saturday as Jack and I will babysit Agnes Rose for the evening. There will be lots of snuggling then!
And then, when I thought it could not get any better, our friends Roger and Yvonne called from England. Roger has always been an ardent follower of American politics and called to wish us a happy election day! He said he would wait up through the night in London for the results. Roger also wanted to make sure that we voted and I was happy to tell him we already had! We have had so much fun with these friends from across the pond. We met when our younger daughters were paired up in an exchange program through middle school. When our family was in Europe celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary, Roger and Yvonne met us in London and it was an instant and lasting friendship - more than 15 years and still going strong. We have had the best Thanksgivings when they were able to be with us and the Ferriers and a really fun time when we met up with them in Dublin one year. They never fail to lift our spirits.
So, I continue to live in joy as I await whatever the future holds.
As always, love from me to you.
November 03, 2008
Bits and Pieces
Agnes Rose was disguised as a lion cub for Halloween - a very colorful one at that! Our good friend, Lisa Farley, was kind enough to take this photo on Halloween and send it to us. It makes me smile every time I look at it! Why, I was even inspired to order some prints from the Kodak Gallery - a first, I might add! Retirement has opened whole new vistas for me through the magical world of the computer.
The next few days will be challenging for Jack and I. Tomorrow I will have my pre-op testing at North Shore. This is to make sure everything is A-OK for the biopsy of the pancreatic growth. I find that sentence a bit ironic - to make sure everything is A-OK for the biopsy. Obviously, things are not A-OK or I would not need to be doing this, would I? Naturally, I forgot to ask how long it would take to get the results of the biopsy and how quickly could an appointment be made to have the growth removed once it is determined what it actually is - or if malignant, what stage. I have a call in to my Internist's office now with my questions and I'm sure to have an answer to these two questions by the end of the day.
Wednesday we are taking car service into Manhattan for Jack's cataract surgery. He is having a cataract removed from his right eye. The car service will bring us home again. I was relieved to learn that the service would bring us home as Jack was muttering something about taking the Long Island Railroad home as everyone tells him that the surgery is a piece of cake. Well, I wasn't too thrilled about leaving a hospital after surgery, taking a wild cab ride to Penn Station and then the train. I think the turning point for Jack came when he realized that I would be the one driving home from the train station. I wish I had thought of mentioning that a few weeks ago and saved myself the worry......I should have known we would not be taking the LIRR home.
Then for several days after the surgery, Jack has to have his eye checked by the surgeon. I haven't asked what mode of transportation this will involve. I believe there will be other checkups on the eye in the coming weeks. Mercy! What next - will we actually have our hearing tested and stop making everyone repeat almost every word spoken to us? How boring to actually know what someone said when you can make up your own conversation based on what you think you heard.
As always, love from me to you.
November 02, 2008
Feast of the Holy Souls
The Feast of the Holy Souls......this day brings back many memories, some good - some not. Most have to do with my Roman Catholic upbringing and may not be of particular interest to everyone who reads this blog. But this upbringing is what made me who I am. Today you may not find me in church as often as you should but my faith never fails me. It has sustained me this far and I am sure it will continue to do so as I continue on this journey.
One powerful memory I have is my mother and aunts taking me to St. Mary's Cemetery in Flushing on this day each year to attend three masses for the holy souls in Purgatory. It is such a vivid memory to me even though I was such a very young child - taken every year before I began school. I remember standing surrounded by my mother and her sisters not being able to see very much except the buttons on their coats and straining to be very quiet as I was a very good child (or afraid of getting into trouble!)
The cemetery was not a scary place to me as we visited the graves all the time, planting flowers and cleaning around the areas where our loved ones rested. I can't say that I have followed through on this particular tradition and don't visit the graves of loved ones. They always seem to be close to me. My intentions are always good and the other Crones and I always plan to take a day to visit all those who impacted our lives come spring....or summer...or autumn.....or the next time someone passes.
Another memory I have is being taught by the nuns to offer all forms of "suffering", big and small, up for the souls in Purgatory. These acts included picking up a piece of paper from the floor; going to the dentist; having stitches; iodine put on a roller skate knee; childbirth; kidney stones.....stuff like that - I'm sure you get the drift. I bet I've gotten a whole lot of souls out of Purgatory during my lifetime - especially at the dentist. I still offer all forms of discomfort (like having blood drawn and the phlebotonist having to jab several times since my veins are very well hidden) to help a few more souls. Believe it or not, it does seem to lessen the pain of just about anything to offer it up to help the poor souls waiting to get into heaven. I suspect when my generation goes, we'll take this tradition along with us as I don't think we did a good job of passing it down to our children.
- Twenty-eight years ago today, Jack's mother, Evelyn Joyce Sweeney passed away.
- Two years ago today, my lung cancer surgery took place and here I am to write about it.
- Today, I pray for the souls in Purgatory and hope some of the souls I helped along the way, will pray for me. After all, they should now have a direct connection to our Main Man.
As always, love from me to you.
November 01, 2008
The Journey Continues
The news from my latest PET scan and the following CT scan was a bit discouraging. There is a 1.9 cm growth on the tail of my pancreas (good it is on the tail.) Oncologist is fairly certain it is malignant but I still have to go through biopsy on November 10. There are several 1 cm clusters on the "bad" lung where I had surgery. Could be malignancies but may be scar tissue (I'm holding out for the scar tissues.) The lung situation will be put on hold until there is a resolution on the pancreas.
I had a wonderful, Italian, full scale hysterical reaction to this news! It was worthy of one of the greatest operas - screaming, chest pounding, throwing towels over my head (I was folding wash at the same time) - nagging Jack to take me to
buy a plot. Eventually, I calmed down and realized that this is not the Dark Ages of cancer treatment and if the Good Lord wanted me, He would have taken me when I was in His neighborhood two years ago. I haven't accomplished a lot since He sent me back so I guess there is more to do. Karen and Kate took it on the chin and will be my strength as usual. I feel upset to think about my darling Agnes Rose. Seeing that happy, smiling face gives me the courage to fight anything!
Jack is my rock even though sometimes I feel as though I am pushing him uphill! He is always right where I need him to be although he still has a hard time after 44 years dealing with the hysteria! You'd think after raising 2 daughters he'd be better equipped at this!
The good news, I guess, is that the pancreatic growth is not from the original lung cancer. Lung cancer does not go to the pancreas - it goes to the brain. Isn't that a happy thought? There is a SLIGHT possibility that it is only a cyst but none of us (including my oncologist and internist) really believe that although it does give me something positive to think about.
Virginia, Eileen, Marie, Pat and Janice, my lifelong pals and fellow Crones, are putting on their capes and standing by my side along with so many good, strong women who got me through the last time and they will get me through this time as well!
Incidentally - did you know there are 3 stages in the life of a strong Celtic woman - maiden, mother and crone? This is an ancient Irish belief. Therefore, do not think of Crone as anything but an older woman who has experienced life and is a font of wisdom. Highly respected and not an evil witch as we have learned to believe. So, I am proud to be a Crone and hope to live to be one for a long time!
On the bright side, I may get out of cooking Thanksgiving!
Buckle your seat belts, it may be a rough ride.
As always, love from me to you.
I had a wonderful, Italian, full scale hysterical reaction to this news! It was worthy of one of the greatest operas - screaming, chest pounding, throwing towels over my head (I was folding wash at the same time) - nagging Jack to take me to
buy a plot. Eventually, I calmed down and realized that this is not the Dark Ages of cancer treatment and if the Good Lord wanted me, He would have taken me when I was in His neighborhood two years ago. I haven't accomplished a lot since He sent me back so I guess there is more to do. Karen and Kate took it on the chin and will be my strength as usual. I feel upset to think about my darling Agnes Rose. Seeing that happy, smiling face gives me the courage to fight anything!Jack is my rock even though sometimes I feel as though I am pushing him uphill! He is always right where I need him to be although he still has a hard time after 44 years dealing with the hysteria! You'd think after raising 2 daughters he'd be better equipped at this!
The good news, I guess, is that the pancreatic growth is not from the original lung cancer. Lung cancer does not go to the pancreas - it goes to the brain. Isn't that a happy thought? There is a SLIGHT possibility that it is only a cyst but none of us (including my oncologist and internist) really believe that although it does give me something positive to think about.
Virginia, Eileen, Marie, Pat and Janice, my lifelong pals and fellow Crones, are putting on their capes and standing by my side along with so many good, strong women who got me through the last time and they will get me through this time as well!
Incidentally - did you know there are 3 stages in the life of a strong Celtic woman - maiden, mother and crone? This is an ancient Irish belief. Therefore, do not think of Crone as anything but an older woman who has experienced life and is a font of wisdom. Highly respected and not an evil witch as we have learned to believe. So, I am proud to be a Crone and hope to live to be one for a long time!
On the bright side, I may get out of cooking Thanksgiving!
Buckle your seat belts, it may be a rough ride.
As always, love from me to you.
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