Good thing I had a wild time yesterday as I awoke during the night with Jack's wretched cold. I should have suspected it was sneaking up on me as my nose was running all day yesterday - if I ran that much, I'd be very thin. The throat, cough and nasal congestion hit all at once and I feel pretty rotten at the moment. I am not going to call the emergency number given to me by MSK because this is not my idea of an emergency. I will doctor myself until I see them on Monday morning. It has not hit my chest and lungs yet and hopefully, it will not. Lots of rest, liquids and cold capsules for me.
Just thought I'd share the misery.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to achoo!
January 31, 2009
January 30, 2009
Friday Evening
Just got in from a lovely luncheon hosted by my neighbor, Peg. We celebrated the birthdays of Jackie and Maureen. It was good to spend some time with Peg and Tina, Meg and Cara along with the birthday "girls." We had a lot of laughs and some really good chicken salad - a specialty of Peg's (along with Shrimp and Tortellini in Alfredo Sauce - old family recipe!) Tina made an angel food cake and iced it with fresh whipped cream and strawberry jam. What could be wrong with an afternoon like that? My eyes are still watering from laughing so much! I had planned a little nap when I got home but it was almost five o'clock - the afternoon flew by! Tina gave us all bouquets of tulips which certainly brightened up an otherwise gloomy house (mine!) The poinsettia is still dying in the den - but not fast enough for Jack to part with it.
I received another favorite food in the mail last week - Jack's friend Bill sent ten pounds of the Honey Bells from Florida. I love these fruits - and usually order some for us but did not this year so I am extra thankful to Bill for his thoughtful gift. Nothing like bright, fresh, sweet oranges on a cold, dark winter day!
I started to make chili and then realized I have no chili powder. Fortunately, I caught Jack in the grocery store. For once, my timing was good as I usually catch him right after he has left or been checked out.
Super Bowl weekend is here once again. Thankfully, Jack goes to a Super Bowl gathering and I can watch whatever I want on TV. Once in awhile I click to the Bowl to see if I can catch a commercial but so many of them have been leaked this year, that I can't imagine too many surprises. I am long asleep by the time the game is over!
When I visit MSK on Monday, I will not only see a different doctor than Dr. Lung O but a different Nurse Practitioner, not BP. Dr. Lung O is working at the hospital this week and BP has a few days off. I will actually miss seeing them but this promises to be a very short visit compared to previous ones.
If you don't hear from me this weekend, don't be alarmed. I get lazy on the weekends and sometimes there just isn't anything to say.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
I received another favorite food in the mail last week - Jack's friend Bill sent ten pounds of the Honey Bells from Florida. I love these fruits - and usually order some for us but did not this year so I am extra thankful to Bill for his thoughtful gift. Nothing like bright, fresh, sweet oranges on a cold, dark winter day!
I started to make chili and then realized I have no chili powder. Fortunately, I caught Jack in the grocery store. For once, my timing was good as I usually catch him right after he has left or been checked out.
Super Bowl weekend is here once again. Thankfully, Jack goes to a Super Bowl gathering and I can watch whatever I want on TV. Once in awhile I click to the Bowl to see if I can catch a commercial but so many of them have been leaked this year, that I can't imagine too many surprises. I am long asleep by the time the game is over!
When I visit MSK on Monday, I will not only see a different doctor than Dr. Lung O but a different Nurse Practitioner, not BP. Dr. Lung O is working at the hospital this week and BP has a few days off. I will actually miss seeing them but this promises to be a very short visit compared to previous ones.
If you don't hear from me this weekend, don't be alarmed. I get lazy on the weekends and sometimes there just isn't anything to say.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 29, 2009
Rose Hilliard is 98 Today
Today is my mother's 98 birthday. It is a great milestone but a very sad one at the same time. Mom is in the state of advanced dementia, does not recognize us most of the time - me, never - occasionally Kate or Karen, sometimes, Jack - although those episodes of recognition are getting less frequent and more volatile. The woman who sits each day in a wheelchair and is spoon fed by an aide, bears little resemblance to the proud and dignified woman who was my mother. It is overwhelmingly painful to see her like this and I know, we all know, that it is not the way she would want her life to be. Mom never feared death and always had a deep and abiding faith. She is having her purgatory on earth and I am sure when the Lord calls, she will go straight through the Gates. Her faith sustained her through everything in life - and when all else had become scrambled in her mind, she still recognized the Eucharistic Minister and knew that she was about to receive Jesus - she blessed herself and after receiving a small bit of the Eucharist, bowed her head in prayer and then blessed herself again. It was amazing to witness. She also recognizes her rosary beads - she will hold them and they quiet her but she seems to have lost the words. So, today is a day for celebrating the past and remembering the old days for her. I hope those of you who knew my mother will join me and think of my mother and all she did to help those who needed it; her understanding of the human condition and her unfailing generosity to any and all who were down on their luck. Her life was not easy but she did what she could to make it easier for others.
Happy Birthday!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you.
Happy Birthday!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you.
January 28, 2009
Wrinkle in Time
Our weather is awful today - snow, rain, ugh! Just a mess out there and dark and dreary as well. A good day for napping!
Nothing new to report. I'm feeling great but tired as usual. I am sending back some books (Crochet for Dummies and Crochet Patterns for Dummies) back as I have a little more crochet skill than I realized. I just need to refresh my memory on how to mix the stitches to get the pattern - these books are way too basic for my needs. Amazon makes it really easy to return and makes me want to shop through Amazon more often.
Here is my mail order complaint of the year.....I have been using Murad face products. It is an automatic delivery system and a tad expensive. The product is really wonderful but I don't need it delivered as often as it is (every 3 months.) So, I called about six weeks ago and canceled it explaining that I was happy with the product but did not need it so often. They offered to send it every six months but I said to cancel it. CANCEL IT. Jan assured me it was canceled. Last week I received another shipment. I called and complained and explained that I had CANCELED the order. Gal tells me that instead of canceling it, someone hit the wrong button twice and I was in for receiving 2 shipments. She canceled all shipments. Yesterday I received ANOTHER shipment which I am returning. (I decided to keep the first one and pay for it as I will need it in another month or so and don't want to have to order it and start the cycle again.) I have to call American Express and tell them I am disputing this charge but I don't have the energy to do it today. This is the first time I have ever had this kind of experience with any mail order product and it is a nightmare. I love the product but will NEVER order it again. What's a wrinkle or two among friends? It is just so frustrating.
Guess I did have something to say today after all!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
Nothing new to report. I'm feeling great but tired as usual. I am sending back some books (Crochet for Dummies and Crochet Patterns for Dummies) back as I have a little more crochet skill than I realized. I just need to refresh my memory on how to mix the stitches to get the pattern - these books are way too basic for my needs. Amazon makes it really easy to return and makes me want to shop through Amazon more often.
Here is my mail order complaint of the year.....I have been using Murad face products. It is an automatic delivery system and a tad expensive. The product is really wonderful but I don't need it delivered as often as it is (every 3 months.) So, I called about six weeks ago and canceled it explaining that I was happy with the product but did not need it so often. They offered to send it every six months but I said to cancel it. CANCEL IT. Jan assured me it was canceled. Last week I received another shipment. I called and complained and explained that I had CANCELED the order. Gal tells me that instead of canceling it, someone hit the wrong button twice and I was in for receiving 2 shipments. She canceled all shipments. Yesterday I received ANOTHER shipment which I am returning. (I decided to keep the first one and pay for it as I will need it in another month or so and don't want to have to order it and start the cycle again.) I have to call American Express and tell them I am disputing this charge but I don't have the energy to do it today. This is the first time I have ever had this kind of experience with any mail order product and it is a nightmare. I love the product but will NEVER order it again. What's a wrinkle or two among friends? It is just so frustrating.
Guess I did have something to say today after all!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 26, 2009
Life Continues to Ebb and Flow
Monday already! The weekends fly by even when each day is like a weekend day! It is cold out again today - I can tell from the attitude on Calico Cat. She wants to go out and sits by the door meowing until you open the door and she turns around and walks away. The sun is shining, though, which is pretty as it streams in the windows.
Had a call from NSUH today telling me MSK pathology department has requested some "undyed" slides from my 2006 tumor. Of course, this has peaked my curiosity and emptied my purse of $50 which was the cost for NSUH to send the slides. (Hopefully, they will be the correct slides this time.) At least I did not have to be the middle man as the request went from Pathology Department to Pathology. I think there is excitement that the growth on the pancreas did not show up on the last CT scan. I am trying not to be excited until the next CT scan as these scans are so exact that if it is a millimeter off, you see something else. I wonder what they are looking for in checking the slides again. And, except for still feeling tired, I am really good. I am optimistic and cheerful. My sugar, without medication, is in the normal range. I have been baking some new recipes. Tonight Jack and I are having Chinese food to usher in the Chinese New Year!
Actually, today is the 35 anniversary of Jack's dad's passing. It is hard to believe that so many years have flown by. I remember how happy he was to know that I was pregnant. We found out shortly before he died. He, however, told me I was going to have twin boys and to name them Sean and Seamus. Missed the mark on that one! God rest his soul.
Missed seeing Gingie Girl this weekend but am happy to tell you that one of the Crone's has become a Grandmother. Crone Eileen H.'s daughter gave birth on January 20 to a beautiful baby boy. I can't wait to give him a million kisses. We all love each other's children and we all love each other's grandchildren as well! It just goes on. I wish all good things for this little fellow and his family. He has a very special name, too, but I will wait to announce it until I ask permission.
Life flows on. I just read an Irish blessing that I'd not heard before so I will leave you with it today in honor of the entire H & W families, especially Crone Eileen and her sweet darling.
Had a call from NSUH today telling me MSK pathology department has requested some "undyed" slides from my 2006 tumor. Of course, this has peaked my curiosity and emptied my purse of $50 which was the cost for NSUH to send the slides. (Hopefully, they will be the correct slides this time.) At least I did not have to be the middle man as the request went from Pathology Department to Pathology. I think there is excitement that the growth on the pancreas did not show up on the last CT scan. I am trying not to be excited until the next CT scan as these scans are so exact that if it is a millimeter off, you see something else. I wonder what they are looking for in checking the slides again. And, except for still feeling tired, I am really good. I am optimistic and cheerful. My sugar, without medication, is in the normal range. I have been baking some new recipes. Tonight Jack and I are having Chinese food to usher in the Chinese New Year!
Actually, today is the 35 anniversary of Jack's dad's passing. It is hard to believe that so many years have flown by. I remember how happy he was to know that I was pregnant. We found out shortly before he died. He, however, told me I was going to have twin boys and to name them Sean and Seamus. Missed the mark on that one! God rest his soul.
Missed seeing Gingie Girl this weekend but am happy to tell you that one of the Crone's has become a Grandmother. Crone Eileen H.'s daughter gave birth on January 20 to a beautiful baby boy. I can't wait to give him a million kisses. We all love each other's children and we all love each other's grandchildren as well! It just goes on. I wish all good things for this little fellow and his family. He has a very special name, too, but I will wait to announce it until I ask permission.
Life flows on. I just read an Irish blessing that I'd not heard before so I will leave you with it today in honor of the entire H & W families, especially Crone Eileen and her sweet darling.
May God give you...
With every storm, a rainbow,
With every tear, a smile,
With every care, a promise
And a blessing in each trial.
With every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
With every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer to each prayer.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 25, 2009
Mea Culpa
Sorry I haven't been blogging for a few days. I did not realize how worried this would make some of you! I have just been a little under the weather - just a little - and very tired. And, believe it or not, I had nothing much to say which is a miracle in itself.
Try this one. It is really a good laugh. http://www.whereisnudedude.com.au/
I may add some more later but right now, I am going to have a nice cup of coffee to warm up. My family in Milwaukee has winter at -13 this morning so I am not going to complain about our spring like NY weather today. After all, it is a balmy 17 degrees.
For the record, I thought Aretha Franklin's hat was perfect for her. I loved her hat and would wear one like it if I would look that good. You see, the secret to wearing hats (and you know I love hats) is that YOU wear the hat - the hat does not wear YOU. Aretha wore the hat.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
Try this one. It is really a good laugh. http://www.whereisnudedude.com.au/
I may add some more later but right now, I am going to have a nice cup of coffee to warm up. My family in Milwaukee has winter at -13 this morning so I am not going to complain about our spring like NY weather today. After all, it is a balmy 17 degrees.
For the record, I thought Aretha Franklin's hat was perfect for her. I loved her hat and would wear one like it if I would look that good. You see, the secret to wearing hats (and you know I love hats) is that YOU wear the hat - the hat does not wear YOU. Aretha wore the hat.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 21, 2009
Short and Sweet
Just a short hello tonight! I think I am fighting off a head cold as I have a bad headache, runny nose and feel cold and tired. So, I am going to get under those lovely, warm and cozy covers and watch TV until I fall asleep - which should not be very long!
I had a great time at lunch today with my friend and colleague from my working days. Dolores and I always have a few laughs when we get together. She retired about four years ago although she continues to work a few days a month. She was the first person I worked with when I started 23 years ago so it is nice to still have her as a friend and even nicer to be able to spend some "retirement" time laughing together. Actually, Dolores was the only person who ever got me to save money by insisting that I put a small part of my salary each payday into a 501 k fund......or whatever it is called. I call it the "Dolores Fund" as there would be no savings if she hadn't pushed me into it. Unfortunately, I did not listen to her when I rolled it over to another company and put half in savings and half in mutual funds. You can guess what happened to my mutual funds.....I should have listened.
Incidentally, I joined Facebook the other night as I was bored and found it so annoying to use that I canceled out of it today.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
I had a great time at lunch today with my friend and colleague from my working days. Dolores and I always have a few laughs when we get together. She retired about four years ago although she continues to work a few days a month. She was the first person I worked with when I started 23 years ago so it is nice to still have her as a friend and even nicer to be able to spend some "retirement" time laughing together. Actually, Dolores was the only person who ever got me to save money by insisting that I put a small part of my salary each payday into a 501 k fund......or whatever it is called. I call it the "Dolores Fund" as there would be no savings if she hadn't pushed me into it. Unfortunately, I did not listen to her when I rolled it over to another company and put half in savings and half in mutual funds. You can guess what happened to my mutual funds.....I should have listened.
Incidentally, I joined Facebook the other night as I was bored and found it so annoying to use that I canceled out of it today.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 20, 2009
Facts About the Day You Were Born
Marie K. sent me this most interesting site which I could not wait until tomorrow to share with you. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did! http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
America, God Shed His Grace on Thee
Glued to the TV today watching the inauguration of our 44th president, Barrack Obama. It has been thrilling to witness this moment of return to American pride. I watch with tears in my eyes and a prayer that this young, idealistic man is able to fulfill his vision for this country. I wish him and his family God's abundant blessings.
Joe and my Gingie Girl arrived to return the car and watch this historical moment with me. It was good to have the company. Gingie and the cat seem to be learning to co-exist as this is the first time Calico Cat did not disappear but continued sitting on her perch on top of the clean laundry as the basket was sitting in the sun. Gingie came in from the door and after her Papa removed her coat, marched over to me with a big smile. Then I went to second place as she noticed "Lali." It was hilarious to watch as each time she walked past the basket and the relaxing cat, she moved an inch closer. Joe and I were keeping watch and trying not to laugh. Eventually, she ran her hand over the cat's extended paws and kept going. I thought Joe and I would fall off the couch. We agreed that this episode needed a video camera but it was too late. We will have to replay it in our minds as it was so funny. The cat appeared to be watching the inauguration on TV and not inclined to move. I think the cat is beginning to realize that Agnes means her no harm and Agnes has learned to love her "Lali."
What joy! What bliss! To have this little girl in our lives!
I am feeling very, very tired this afternoon and a little short of breath. I think the potentially good news from yesterday is hitting me but still causing me some concern. I need some answer as to what happened to the pancreas growth which seemed to be the major concern a few months ago. I'm happy it appears to have disappeared but I am also realistic enough to wonder if this is really the case. Could it just be in a weird place - too weird for the scanner to pick up?
I guess I should take my good news when I can but I've always felt if it was too good to be true, then it probably wasn't true. I hope I am wrong. I'll have more questions in two weeks when I go in for my next check up. There will be another scan in four weeks - I guess that will tell us more - or hopefully, show us less!
Back to the TV.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
Joe and my Gingie Girl arrived to return the car and watch this historical moment with me. It was good to have the company. Gingie and the cat seem to be learning to co-exist as this is the first time Calico Cat did not disappear but continued sitting on her perch on top of the clean laundry as the basket was sitting in the sun. Gingie came in from the door and after her Papa removed her coat, marched over to me with a big smile. Then I went to second place as she noticed "Lali." It was hilarious to watch as each time she walked past the basket and the relaxing cat, she moved an inch closer. Joe and I were keeping watch and trying not to laugh. Eventually, she ran her hand over the cat's extended paws and kept going. I thought Joe and I would fall off the couch. We agreed that this episode needed a video camera but it was too late. We will have to replay it in our minds as it was so funny. The cat appeared to be watching the inauguration on TV and not inclined to move. I think the cat is beginning to realize that Agnes means her no harm and Agnes has learned to love her "Lali."
What joy! What bliss! To have this little girl in our lives!
I am feeling very, very tired this afternoon and a little short of breath. I think the potentially good news from yesterday is hitting me but still causing me some concern. I need some answer as to what happened to the pancreas growth which seemed to be the major concern a few months ago. I'm happy it appears to have disappeared but I am also realistic enough to wonder if this is really the case. Could it just be in a weird place - too weird for the scanner to pick up?
I guess I should take my good news when I can but I've always felt if it was too good to be true, then it probably wasn't true. I hope I am wrong. I'll have more questions in two weeks when I go in for my next check up. There will be another scan in four weeks - I guess that will tell us more - or hopefully, show us less!
Back to the TV.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 19, 2009
Hide and Seek - or - Hide and Don't Look for It
It is shortly before 7 a.m. and we are getting ready to head into MSK for our every other Monday check up. I am trying to keep this blog as honest and open as possible and I need to share that I am a little apprehensive this morning as to the results of the CT scan on Friday.
Later:
Yet again I spent days worrying for naught! I am happy to report that the CT scan showed the lung tumors stable - have not grown or changed - which is VERY good. And, the pancreatic growth seems to have been misplaced so to speak - it has not shown up on the last two CT scans at MSK. We know it was there because there was a biopsy of it (and we were told it was difficult to obtain a tissue sample as it was so small) but there has been no sign of it since Dr. Pancreas turned me over to Dr. Lung O. Interesting, n'est ce pas? Where is it hiding? Or has it actually disappeared? Time will tell.
Also, strangely enough, I have not been on any medication for diabetes for many weeks now and my sugar levels have all gone down and stay pretty much in the normal range on their own. We were discussing today, Dr. Lung O and I, whether there was a teeney-tiny growth for a long time on the pancreas which may have caused the diabetes symptoms....this was not a medical discussion but a speculative one. I suggested that on of the side effects of this pill might be a cure of diabetes. We will wait this out and see what the next CT scan says in 4 weeks. Meanwhile, the staff a MSK is very happy with my progress.
Of course, they think it is all from the Miracle Pill. You and I know the pill may be working as an answer to all the prayers and good karma being sent my way. I have also been blessing myself with holy water from Lourdes thanks to Lynn C. and her family. So, keep those prayers and karma coming! We still have a long road ahead but it seems we are making progress. Thank God and all His angels and saints!
I need a nap!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
Later:
Yet again I spent days worrying for naught! I am happy to report that the CT scan showed the lung tumors stable - have not grown or changed - which is VERY good. And, the pancreatic growth seems to have been misplaced so to speak - it has not shown up on the last two CT scans at MSK. We know it was there because there was a biopsy of it (and we were told it was difficult to obtain a tissue sample as it was so small) but there has been no sign of it since Dr. Pancreas turned me over to Dr. Lung O. Interesting, n'est ce pas? Where is it hiding? Or has it actually disappeared? Time will tell.
Also, strangely enough, I have not been on any medication for diabetes for many weeks now and my sugar levels have all gone down and stay pretty much in the normal range on their own. We were discussing today, Dr. Lung O and I, whether there was a teeney-tiny growth for a long time on the pancreas which may have caused the diabetes symptoms....this was not a medical discussion but a speculative one. I suggested that on of the side effects of this pill might be a cure of diabetes. We will wait this out and see what the next CT scan says in 4 weeks. Meanwhile, the staff a MSK is very happy with my progress.
Of course, they think it is all from the Miracle Pill. You and I know the pill may be working as an answer to all the prayers and good karma being sent my way. I have also been blessing myself with holy water from Lourdes thanks to Lynn C. and her family. So, keep those prayers and karma coming! We still have a long road ahead but it seems we are making progress. Thank God and all His angels and saints!
I need a nap!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 18, 2009
Oh, Happy Day!
Had a little snow during the night - just about a little but it is very cold. They say it was colder on Friday but it did not seem that cold to me when we were in the city - of course I only walked ten feet into the door of MSK and then ten feet back out again. Jack is a good chauffeur - he drops me off, parks, then goes for the car! He doesn't make me walk although when the weather is nicer, maybe it would be good for me to take a little stroll!
The CT scan went as it usually does although I almost fell asleep on the gurney during the test. I was so sleepy! What happens is that I get anxious the night before and don't sleep very soundly so by the time I am taking the test, I am ready for a nap! The worst part of these scans is all the fluid you have to drink - which, of course, reaches your bladder as soon as you get into the car no matter how many times you visit the ladies' room before you leave the building! And, of course, we always hit traffic on the way home. Jack had to stop at a Mobile station along the Grand Central as things got to the "I can't hold it anymore" stage. That is the worst physical part of these tests. The WORST part is waiting for the results. Tomorrow is our big all day adventure at MSK so I should have some idea of how this pill is working by tomorrow's end. I will be devastated if it is not shrinking the tumors. It is a weird thing but I am beginning to feel as though the pill is my friend - it has taken on a character in my mind - and I don't want my friend to disappoint me. I know that sounds strange and I can't even explain it to myself. Let us please continue to pray.
I had a great call from my Aunt Virginia in North Carolina today. It was so good to talk to her - she is a breast cancer survivor and doing very well - thanks be to God. We talked about the joys of being grandparents. It is good to be reminded how many people are praying for me and sending me love. This is what will get me through. I promised her if I am feeling good this summer, I will make a trip down to see the family in North Carolina. It has been almost 40 years since I've seen them.....hard to imagine that! We all get so caught up in our lives and it all goes so quickly. They came for my wedding and Jack and I went down once after that - and now we are grandparents. We will be married - God willing - 40 years in May.
Karen, Joe and Agnes are with Kate in Boston this weekend. Karen called this morning in case I was worrying about the snow up there......I wasn't because Joe is from Wisconsin and I'm sure he can handle a little Boston snow! Besides I also know they have good sense and would use public transportation to get around. I just hope my sweet Gingie Girl is warm enough. Aunt Kate babysat for her last night so her Mama and Papa could have a quiet dinner.
My mother will be 98 on January 29. I know she would be shocked if she knew how old she is. I'm sorry her dementia makes it impossible to understand what a long life she is having and more sorry that she doesn't know Agnes Rose. I said to Karen the other day that my mother and Aunt Lou would just love that baby to pieces. I've been thinking of them all this week as it was the 28 anniversary of Uncle Glover's passing. So hard to believe these years have really passed by as it all seems like yesterday. I'm glad Karen has a good recollection of my aunts and uncles as Kate was too young when they passed to remember very much about them. Uncle Glover was a real pushover when it came to children. Even the kids in the neighborhood would hang around our backyard waiting for him to fix their bikes or whatever.
This has been my lucky day for phone calls.....between the last sentence and this I had a call from my cousin Patty F. in Connecticut and my other southern Aunt Louise J. I cannot tell you how special it makes me feel to hear from these folks. Patty is learning to use the computer but got vexed so she called me instead. I do talk to her fairly often considering I haven't talked to my Aunt in years. It was as though we spoke yesterday - I guess that is what the expression blood is thicker than water means. Aunt Louise promises her grandson will send me an e-mail address and I promised I would send the blog link. All in all, this has been a very touching day for me and my tears are very close to the surface. I have many memories for which to be thankful.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
The CT scan went as it usually does although I almost fell asleep on the gurney during the test. I was so sleepy! What happens is that I get anxious the night before and don't sleep very soundly so by the time I am taking the test, I am ready for a nap! The worst part of these scans is all the fluid you have to drink - which, of course, reaches your bladder as soon as you get into the car no matter how many times you visit the ladies' room before you leave the building! And, of course, we always hit traffic on the way home. Jack had to stop at a Mobile station along the Grand Central as things got to the "I can't hold it anymore" stage. That is the worst physical part of these tests. The WORST part is waiting for the results. Tomorrow is our big all day adventure at MSK so I should have some idea of how this pill is working by tomorrow's end. I will be devastated if it is not shrinking the tumors. It is a weird thing but I am beginning to feel as though the pill is my friend - it has taken on a character in my mind - and I don't want my friend to disappoint me. I know that sounds strange and I can't even explain it to myself. Let us please continue to pray.
I had a great call from my Aunt Virginia in North Carolina today. It was so good to talk to her - she is a breast cancer survivor and doing very well - thanks be to God. We talked about the joys of being grandparents. It is good to be reminded how many people are praying for me and sending me love. This is what will get me through. I promised her if I am feeling good this summer, I will make a trip down to see the family in North Carolina. It has been almost 40 years since I've seen them.....hard to imagine that! We all get so caught up in our lives and it all goes so quickly. They came for my wedding and Jack and I went down once after that - and now we are grandparents. We will be married - God willing - 40 years in May.
Karen, Joe and Agnes are with Kate in Boston this weekend. Karen called this morning in case I was worrying about the snow up there......I wasn't because Joe is from Wisconsin and I'm sure he can handle a little Boston snow! Besides I also know they have good sense and would use public transportation to get around. I just hope my sweet Gingie Girl is warm enough. Aunt Kate babysat for her last night so her Mama and Papa could have a quiet dinner.
My mother will be 98 on January 29. I know she would be shocked if she knew how old she is. I'm sorry her dementia makes it impossible to understand what a long life she is having and more sorry that she doesn't know Agnes Rose. I said to Karen the other day that my mother and Aunt Lou would just love that baby to pieces. I've been thinking of them all this week as it was the 28 anniversary of Uncle Glover's passing. So hard to believe these years have really passed by as it all seems like yesterday. I'm glad Karen has a good recollection of my aunts and uncles as Kate was too young when they passed to remember very much about them. Uncle Glover was a real pushover when it came to children. Even the kids in the neighborhood would hang around our backyard waiting for him to fix their bikes or whatever.
This has been my lucky day for phone calls.....between the last sentence and this I had a call from my cousin Patty F. in Connecticut and my other southern Aunt Louise J. I cannot tell you how special it makes me feel to hear from these folks. Patty is learning to use the computer but got vexed so she called me instead. I do talk to her fairly often considering I haven't talked to my Aunt in years. It was as though we spoke yesterday - I guess that is what the expression blood is thicker than water means. Aunt Louise promises her grandson will send me an e-mail address and I promised I would send the blog link. All in all, this has been a very touching day for me and my tears are very close to the surface. I have many memories for which to be thankful.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 16, 2009
To the Women in My Life
My cronie Marie K. sent me this beautiful message this morning. It says everything I want to say to the women who have blessed my life. I hope it brings a tear to your eye, a lump to your thoat and a smile to your face. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4qwVLqt9Q
We are off to MSK today for a CT scan so I'll catch up with you over the weekend - if I thaw out from this freezing weather!
Believe! Hope!
As always, with love from me to you!
We are off to MSK today for a CT scan so I'll catch up with you over the weekend - if I thaw out from this freezing weather!
Believe! Hope!
As always, with love from me to you!
January 14, 2009
An Era Ends
Jack went on a search and found the Bag Balm in Glen Cove at the local Glen Cove Chemists. Naturally, a small drug store would be carrying a product that is good for the customer rather than just the profit.
After reading the Bag Balm can (oh, yes, a lovely, square, green, metal can) and the directions on how to apply to a cow's udder in case of cracks or sores, I clicked my heals together to make sure I was still home in Glen Head and had not been whisked off to Vermont farm country! Actually, the stuff is great. I immediately applied too much and it has been taking a time being absorbed into my sore hands but it feels great. I can see why it was suggested I put it on at night and wear cotton gloves - which I will do later. Right now, I am just enjoying the way it feels on the cracks and blisters - very soothing indeed.
Got an e-mail today from my old friend George E. forwarding notice of the closing of our elementary school as part of the Diocese of Brooklyn's consolidation plan. I feel sad that St. Ann's is closing as Virginia and I were in the original second grade, Eileen in the third along with George. Jack and I have the distinction of being the only couple married in the school auditorium as the church was under renovation on our wedding day - we were promised it would be finished but we all know how construction can be longer than expected. It was a disappointing moment in my life as I always envisioned myself walking down the aisle of the church, not the aisle of the school auditorium. But, the service was done as nicely as possible and the marriage is still working after almost 40 years so I guess it was unimportant. I remember my father and my uncle along with other men from the area working together to put the kneelers together when the school opened. The auditorium would hold Sunday mass along with the ones in the church - there were that many attendees in those days. Our whole life revolved around the church and the school. It was the days of the neighborhood where we all knew one another and had safe places to be together. Our era is officially ending.
I am really tired tonight so this will be it for now.
As always, love from me to you!
After reading the Bag Balm can (oh, yes, a lovely, square, green, metal can) and the directions on how to apply to a cow's udder in case of cracks or sores, I clicked my heals together to make sure I was still home in Glen Head and had not been whisked off to Vermont farm country! Actually, the stuff is great. I immediately applied too much and it has been taking a time being absorbed into my sore hands but it feels great. I can see why it was suggested I put it on at night and wear cotton gloves - which I will do later. Right now, I am just enjoying the way it feels on the cracks and blisters - very soothing indeed.
Got an e-mail today from my old friend George E. forwarding notice of the closing of our elementary school as part of the Diocese of Brooklyn's consolidation plan. I feel sad that St. Ann's is closing as Virginia and I were in the original second grade, Eileen in the third along with George. Jack and I have the distinction of being the only couple married in the school auditorium as the church was under renovation on our wedding day - we were promised it would be finished but we all know how construction can be longer than expected. It was a disappointing moment in my life as I always envisioned myself walking down the aisle of the church, not the aisle of the school auditorium. But, the service was done as nicely as possible and the marriage is still working after almost 40 years so I guess it was unimportant. I remember my father and my uncle along with other men from the area working together to put the kneelers together when the school opened. The auditorium would hold Sunday mass along with the ones in the church - there were that many attendees in those days. Our whole life revolved around the church and the school. It was the days of the neighborhood where we all knew one another and had safe places to be together. Our era is officially ending.
I am really tired tonight so this will be it for now.
As always, love from me to you!
January 13, 2009
Lust in the Afternoon
Ok, so you can smell Caramel Cashew frozen custard on my breath and it is only 3:30 in the afternoon. Can you smell the whipped cream that was squirted on top of it, too? I could not help it, I was home all alone and it was calling me from the freezer. Yoo-hoo, Maire, need a little treat? There aren't many goodies in the house but come here and look in the freezer. Oh, you are trying to be good? What a joke, I don't hear the wheels on the bike turning...and singing the Wheels on the Bus does not count! Just come and look at the pretty container, so clean and white. Oh go ahead, open it and just look...a look won't hurt.....how did that spoon just happen to be in your hand? Quick get a dish and where is that whipped cream? The rest is far too risque for a family rated website. I will not have any after dinner and I will call that afternoon slip a matinee - er, um, - lunch.
The clouds are starting to roll in and the weather is getting chillier. I am worried about family out in Wisconsin and Seattle and I hear it is getting really cold in Atlanta which is unusual. What frightens me is the ice as it is so deceiving and treacherous. The weatherman keeps predicting some snow for us but it doesn't seem to be much at this point. Any precipitation with this frigid weather will be dangerous. Of course, all this worry is self serving as I have to go into Manhattan for a CT scan on Friday afternoon and I'm hoping there is no precipitation. Jack is good about dropping me off in front of the door and then going to park. He meets me in the office I'm assigned that particular day.
Yesterday I was moaning about my hands and thinking it had to do with a side effect of the Miracle Pill but not only does Eileen S. suffer from this but so does Marie and Miss Jean Brodie. Shows you how much I've paid attention to my friends woes over the years - doesn't speak well of me. I had no idea they all suffered this type of hand cracking and blistering in the winter. I'll let you know how the Bag Balm works. Truthfully, this morning it was much better but has been rearing up again as soon as I put my hands in water. I'm allergic to latex so if I'm going to wear gloves to wash up the dishes, I'm going to have to be careful what kind I use. Maybe it would be best to use Jack's hands instead of gloves?
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
The clouds are starting to roll in and the weather is getting chillier. I am worried about family out in Wisconsin and Seattle and I hear it is getting really cold in Atlanta which is unusual. What frightens me is the ice as it is so deceiving and treacherous. The weatherman keeps predicting some snow for us but it doesn't seem to be much at this point. Any precipitation with this frigid weather will be dangerous. Of course, all this worry is self serving as I have to go into Manhattan for a CT scan on Friday afternoon and I'm hoping there is no precipitation. Jack is good about dropping me off in front of the door and then going to park. He meets me in the office I'm assigned that particular day.
Yesterday I was moaning about my hands and thinking it had to do with a side effect of the Miracle Pill but not only does Eileen S. suffer from this but so does Marie and Miss Jean Brodie. Shows you how much I've paid attention to my friends woes over the years - doesn't speak well of me. I had no idea they all suffered this type of hand cracking and blistering in the winter. I'll let you know how the Bag Balm works. Truthfully, this morning it was much better but has been rearing up again as soon as I put my hands in water. I'm allergic to latex so if I'm going to wear gloves to wash up the dishes, I'm going to have to be careful what kind I use. Maybe it would be best to use Jack's hands instead of gloves?
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 12, 2009
Udderly Fabulous
When it was suggested (ha, understatement) that I go to MSK for treatment, I was resistant as I had become accustomed to not only excellent care at North Shore by my doctors but I felt safe nestled in the cocoon of a nearby hospital and treatment center. Now that I have experienced the big city hospital, I am so very happy that I was pushed into treatment there. Not only am I lucky enough to be on an insurance plan that pays for everything as long as treatment is at MSK and able to participate in a clinical trial (which I really feel is working and praying not to be disappointed), but I am being exposed to extremely kind and competent caregivers. I don't have to call them with a question, Nurse BP calls me to see if I am feeling ok. Actually, except for the rash (which is healing on most of me but breaking out on my hands), I feel fabulous.
Nurse BP suggested I get something called Bag Balm and the pharmacist is ordering it for me. It is not just for old bags (or hags) but it is udderly wonderful for healing the skin. It is used on cows udders to keep them supple. CVS Pharmacy is ordering it for me and it will be in tomorrow. I was just talking to Eileen S. and she said her hands are also cracked and split which happens every winter. This is my first time with this so I blame it on the Miracle Pill but maybe it has nothing to do with it. Maybe it just has to do with the fact that my hands are in water all the time and my hands are not as young as they used to be. Maybe the Palmolive and Ivory dish washing commercials were full of crap.
My sugar level has remained in the normal range so I have not had to use the insulin, I am getting through the day without a nap although I do rest on the bed while watching TV in the late afternoon. I don't fall asleep as often as I did. My energy level seems to be rising (but don't let that get around as it is my excuse for letting the dust bunnies run wild.) All in all, thanks to all of you who insisted I go the MSK for my treatment. I do miss my oncologist and pulmonist here on the island as they are top notch and wonderful people but all in all, if I wasn't at MSK, I would not be in the clinical trial and I have such confidence that this will be the answer to our prayers.
Winter is really blasting us this week. Normally I would not be looking for ice cream until June or July but since my freezer is filled with Koops frozen custard, I can pretend I am in Milwaukee and enjoy a little each day!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
Nurse BP suggested I get something called Bag Balm and the pharmacist is ordering it for me. It is not just for old bags (or hags) but it is udderly wonderful for healing the skin. It is used on cows udders to keep them supple. CVS Pharmacy is ordering it for me and it will be in tomorrow. I was just talking to Eileen S. and she said her hands are also cracked and split which happens every winter. This is my first time with this so I blame it on the Miracle Pill but maybe it has nothing to do with it. Maybe it just has to do with the fact that my hands are in water all the time and my hands are not as young as they used to be. Maybe the Palmolive and Ivory dish washing commercials were full of crap.
My sugar level has remained in the normal range so I have not had to use the insulin, I am getting through the day without a nap although I do rest on the bed while watching TV in the late afternoon. I don't fall asleep as often as I did. My energy level seems to be rising (but don't let that get around as it is my excuse for letting the dust bunnies run wild.) All in all, thanks to all of you who insisted I go the MSK for my treatment. I do miss my oncologist and pulmonist here on the island as they are top notch and wonderful people but all in all, if I wasn't at MSK, I would not be in the clinical trial and I have such confidence that this will be the answer to our prayers.
Winter is really blasting us this week. Normally I would not be looking for ice cream until June or July but since my freezer is filled with Koops frozen custard, I can pretend I am in Milwaukee and enjoy a little each day!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 11, 2009
Sunday is for Sharing
Sorry these are not the best photos but I could not resist sending them as I actually did share my frozen custard with my Gingie Girl. Apparently she has a taste for it as well as the rest of us! Dinner tonight will be inhaled quickly so I can get to the dessert.
We did not get as much snow as predicted but we had freezing rain through the night and awoke to one of winter's glorious - but treacherous - shows. The ice coated everything and when the sunlight hit the trees, it reminded me of the old fairy tale of the Twelve Dancing Princesses - which was my favorite. The trees were festooned in diamonds!
Just a quick one today as we are about to have dinner a little early so Jack can drive the gang back to Brooklyn.
As for my health, today's complaint is that the skin on my hands is cracked and peeling between the fingers and some blistering has appeared on a few finger tips. I will call MSK tomorrow as I do suspect that this might be a side effect - and certainly one that isn't too bad. I'm sure there is something I can use to relieve the soreness.
I had an hour or so alone with Gingie Girl today and really enjoyed her company. We read all of her books and she had some banana as a post nap snack. It was fun for a few hours but I realize there is a reason the young have the babies!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 10, 2009
Hurtful Rumors
Yesterday just got away from me and I did not have a chance to sit down and write my posting - nor did I have a chance to ride the bike. I don't know what I was doing that kept me so busy but I was....oh, I think I had a few phone calls, then I baked cupcakes (with Splenda not sugar). Whatever it was I was doing, I never even got a chance to take a nap but I slept like the proverbial log last night. Do you think there is a connection?
The snow has already started dusting the grass but it really doesn't look like it is going to be such a big deal as has been forecasted. My Gingie Girl and her parents just arrived by train. They had some plans for today but they will have to wait until tomorrow because of the weather. This will be a fun afternoon to play with Agnes Rose. We just discovered that when she sees a picture of a cat, she says "lali" and we were trying to figure out why. Could it be that we call our cat, Callie (short for Calico Cat) and when Agnes Rose says it, it sounds like "lali'? Is she a genius or what? She has also figured out that if she breathes really close to our bay window, her breath makes a pattern! I think this is very advanced but then I'm the Nana - I'm supposed to think it is all very advanced!
Just for the record....a dear friend of mine called me last night very upset as she had heard from a neighbor of mine that I was in really poor condition, getting chemo several times a week and that I was being prayed for in church (as if this alone would place me at death's door.) Let me set the record straight. I am not receiving any chemo at this time. I take 2 pills each morning as part of a clinical trial. I feel great - fatigued sometimes - but mostly just great. I am so optimistic and hopeful and the idea of someone spreading this kind of false information really raises my hackles (and believe me, you don't want me to have my hackles raised.)
I believe I am doing this well because many, many people are praying for me in church and in synagogues and in mosques; on beaches and on mountaintops; in Europe and Asia; in the open air and anytime and anywhere they think of me. I find it appalling that someone who knows absolutely nothing about my condition has taken it upon himself to spread incorrect information thereby making it appear he is in the know. Does this make him feel important? I realize this is how famous people must feel when the scandal sheets write untruths about them. Please do me a favor and if you hear anything of this sort, please put an end to it. I am as fine as I can be at the moment.....actually, feeling better than I have in a long time.
Now, I am going to play with my Gingie Girl!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
The snow has already started dusting the grass but it really doesn't look like it is going to be such a big deal as has been forecasted. My Gingie Girl and her parents just arrived by train. They had some plans for today but they will have to wait until tomorrow because of the weather. This will be a fun afternoon to play with Agnes Rose. We just discovered that when she sees a picture of a cat, she says "lali" and we were trying to figure out why. Could it be that we call our cat, Callie (short for Calico Cat) and when Agnes Rose says it, it sounds like "lali'? Is she a genius or what? She has also figured out that if she breathes really close to our bay window, her breath makes a pattern! I think this is very advanced but then I'm the Nana - I'm supposed to think it is all very advanced!
Just for the record....a dear friend of mine called me last night very upset as she had heard from a neighbor of mine that I was in really poor condition, getting chemo several times a week and that I was being prayed for in church (as if this alone would place me at death's door.) Let me set the record straight. I am not receiving any chemo at this time. I take 2 pills each morning as part of a clinical trial. I feel great - fatigued sometimes - but mostly just great. I am so optimistic and hopeful and the idea of someone spreading this kind of false information really raises my hackles (and believe me, you don't want me to have my hackles raised.)
I believe I am doing this well because many, many people are praying for me in church and in synagogues and in mosques; on beaches and on mountaintops; in Europe and Asia; in the open air and anytime and anywhere they think of me. I find it appalling that someone who knows absolutely nothing about my condition has taken it upon himself to spread incorrect information thereby making it appear he is in the know. Does this make him feel important? I realize this is how famous people must feel when the scandal sheets write untruths about them. Please do me a favor and if you hear anything of this sort, please put an end to it. I am as fine as I can be at the moment.....actually, feeling better than I have in a long time.
Now, I am going to play with my Gingie Girl!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 08, 2009
Change in Order of Archive
Please note that I have changed the order of the blog archive on the right hand side of the page. This should make it easier for those reading the blog for the first time as it lists the oldest (first blogs) at the head of the list.
Really Special Delivery - Kopp's Frozen Custard!
The Swayze interview was sad. In many ways he is inspiring in his war whoops and apparent fighting spirit. I hope (God knows I hope and pray) that he is a miracle and wins this battle but I can't help feeling that by admitting that he is still smoking cigarettes, he shows some lack of hope. He is not willing to fight 100% if he is not willing to give up the ciggies although part of me understands that giving up the ciggies at this time of stress may not be the easiest thing to do. Believe me, I loved to smoke but the words 'lung cancer" somehow instantly killed any desire to light up. There is no smoking listed in my battle plan.....although I have had an occasional dream that I was smoking but even that subliminal desire has disappeared.
WELL, AM I GLAD I MENTIONED MY FAVORITE REGIONAL FOODS in a previous blog as the FedEX man just delivered TEN, yes 10, pints of assorted KOPP'S FROZEN CUSTARD all the way from Wisconsin. Gladys and John, what a FABULOUS, WONDERFUL present - complete with a pint of whole pecans and a pint of fudge sauce just waiting to be heated. I can't decide which flavor to start with but it will be within a very few minutes. Maybe I'll just take a pint out of the freezer at random and start with that.......TIRAMISU won in the random pick over Swiss Chocolate; Vanilla; Caramel Cashew; Butter Almond; German Apple Streusel; and Pecan Toffee. You may wonder what condition these arrived in and I am here to tell you that they are frozen solid - so cold that they were almost hard to handle with my bare hands. Compliments to Kopp's for their packaging.
I neglected to mention that along the same lines, Kim sent me a two pound box of Kraus chocolates a few days before Christmas. Before I had a chance to hide it in my secret spot (unfortunately the frozen custard cannot be hidden in the same way) half the chocolates were consumed by my better half. The rest were quickly confiscated and never seen again except for the one piece I have each night. I am an only child - I have not learned to share.
The other treat I have hidden in my special place are golden almond biscotti made by Joe's sister, Cathy. I did not share them either.
W and Shirley sent me Chik from Chik-Fil-A but she wasn't carrying any chicken nuggets. I'll have to wait for those until I go to Atlanta or Atlanta comes to me bearing the chicken.
For sure, today will be the day I ride the bike so that I can enjoy some of this frozen custard without any guilt attached. WOOT! WOOT! WOOT!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
WELL, AM I GLAD I MENTIONED MY FAVORITE REGIONAL FOODS in a previous blog as the FedEX man just delivered TEN, yes 10, pints of assorted KOPP'S FROZEN CUSTARD all the way from Wisconsin. Gladys and John, what a FABULOUS, WONDERFUL present - complete with a pint of whole pecans and a pint of fudge sauce just waiting to be heated. I can't decide which flavor to start with but it will be within a very few minutes. Maybe I'll just take a pint out of the freezer at random and start with that.......TIRAMISU won in the random pick over Swiss Chocolate; Vanilla; Caramel Cashew; Butter Almond; German Apple Streusel; and Pecan Toffee. You may wonder what condition these arrived in and I am here to tell you that they are frozen solid - so cold that they were almost hard to handle with my bare hands. Compliments to Kopp's for their packaging.
I neglected to mention that along the same lines, Kim sent me a two pound box of Kraus chocolates a few days before Christmas. Before I had a chance to hide it in my secret spot (unfortunately the frozen custard cannot be hidden in the same way) half the chocolates were consumed by my better half. The rest were quickly confiscated and never seen again except for the one piece I have each night. I am an only child - I have not learned to share.
The other treat I have hidden in my special place are golden almond biscotti made by Joe's sister, Cathy. I did not share them either.
W and Shirley sent me Chik from Chik-Fil-A but she wasn't carrying any chicken nuggets. I'll have to wait for those until I go to Atlanta or Atlanta comes to me bearing the chicken.
For sure, today will be the day I ride the bike so that I can enjoy some of this frozen custard without any guilt attached. WOOT! WOOT! WOOT!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 07, 2009
Wet and Windy Wednesday
Enjoying the rainy day today from inside, I did not get very much accomplished other than cleaning off my dresser and lining up my pill bottles. That must be a sign of advancing age when your dresser is lined up with pill bottles in the order in which you take them. Whenever my Gingie Girl (or any half-pints) come over, I stash the pills but since Jack and I are alone most of the time, it is a luxury to have them within arms reach - and in an area with a light bright enough to be able to read the labels!
Other than that, I have no news for today but I promised I would not let a day go by without some message. I feel great - a bit tired tonight but I think that is more from doing nothing all day. I should have ridden the bike but I didn't. I should have washed the kitchen floor but it is pointless on a bad weather day for as soon as it is clean, someone drags in the dirt and wet from outside. I am thankful we only had rain and not the terrible ice and snow further up state. We narrowly missed it but we are expecting high winds tonight.
Jack and I (and I suspect half of America at least) are anticipating the interview with Patrick Swayze tonight. He is an inspiration to me in his courageous battle. I feel as though I know him because he closely resembles one of my first "loves." God bless him and his family as they continue carrying this burden so valiantly.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
Other than that, I have no news for today but I promised I would not let a day go by without some message. I feel great - a bit tired tonight but I think that is more from doing nothing all day. I should have ridden the bike but I didn't. I should have washed the kitchen floor but it is pointless on a bad weather day for as soon as it is clean, someone drags in the dirt and wet from outside. I am thankful we only had rain and not the terrible ice and snow further up state. We narrowly missed it but we are expecting high winds tonight.
Jack and I (and I suspect half of America at least) are anticipating the interview with Patrick Swayze tonight. He is an inspiration to me in his courageous battle. I feel as though I know him because he closely resembles one of my first "loves." God bless him and his family as they continue carrying this burden so valiantly.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 06, 2009
Rambling Along
Joy to the world, the Christmas decorations have been put away for another year! I really hate that job but Jack helped today and it was done in record time. It usually drags on and on and after it is done - about two weeks after - I'm bound to find something I forgot to pack away.
Called the pension office today to find out what the different amounts of my pension would be depending on the type of selection I make regarding the payout. I haven't heard back yet but I suspect the gal who is so helpful there is probably figuring out the amounts. I retired officially on October 1 but apparently because I am on an early retirement and presently on NYS disability, I could not get my pension until after the disability runs out. It runs out in January so hopefully the pension will kick in in February but not if I don't get these forms filled out! It is hard to make a decision when you don't have the figures (after all, we are talking about the huge sum of nearly $600 a month here before taxes.)
The phone rang and I thought it was the pension office but it was Nurse Beautiful checking to see how I was feeling and if my blood sugars were ok. I was happy to say I felt great and my sugars were fine and I did not have to take any shots. And, the rash(es) are healing nicely. It was a good feeling to get that call!
This has been a great day! Mrs. McMahon did stop by bearing Starbucks Ginger Snap Latte - the last of the season for this year I fear. I wonder if they will do something with chocolate for February? After all, dark chocolate is good for your heart and your mouth, too....maybe better for your mouth.
I also enjoyed a wonderful, fun conversation with Gladys D. last night. (My son-in-law's mom for those of you who don't know.) We enjoyed chatting about our mutual granddaughter who got to enjoy her first really BIG SNOW out in Wisconsin over Christmas. It was so kind of Gladys and John to call to see how I was doing. I am looking forward to visiting them in Wisconsin - maybe sometime in the summer!
I am filled with optimism and hope, energy and happiness today. Why, I may even start riding on the stationary bike again tomorrow morning as a way to keep my sugar in control without meds. Today I feel I can do anything - I may even order Crocheting for Dummies and start to crochet again.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
Called the pension office today to find out what the different amounts of my pension would be depending on the type of selection I make regarding the payout. I haven't heard back yet but I suspect the gal who is so helpful there is probably figuring out the amounts. I retired officially on October 1 but apparently because I am on an early retirement and presently on NYS disability, I could not get my pension until after the disability runs out. It runs out in January so hopefully the pension will kick in in February but not if I don't get these forms filled out! It is hard to make a decision when you don't have the figures (after all, we are talking about the huge sum of nearly $600 a month here before taxes.)
The phone rang and I thought it was the pension office but it was Nurse Beautiful checking to see how I was feeling and if my blood sugars were ok. I was happy to say I felt great and my sugars were fine and I did not have to take any shots. And, the rash(es) are healing nicely. It was a good feeling to get that call!
This has been a great day! Mrs. McMahon did stop by bearing Starbucks Ginger Snap Latte - the last of the season for this year I fear. I wonder if they will do something with chocolate for February? After all, dark chocolate is good for your heart and your mouth, too....maybe better for your mouth.
I also enjoyed a wonderful, fun conversation with Gladys D. last night. (My son-in-law's mom for those of you who don't know.) We enjoyed chatting about our mutual granddaughter who got to enjoy her first really BIG SNOW out in Wisconsin over Christmas. It was so kind of Gladys and John to call to see how I was doing. I am looking forward to visiting them in Wisconsin - maybe sometime in the summer!
I am filled with optimism and hope, energy and happiness today. Why, I may even start riding on the stationary bike again tomorrow morning as a way to keep my sugar in control without meds. Today I feel I can do anything - I may even order Crocheting for Dummies and start to crochet again.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 05, 2009
Monday with Dr. Lung O & Co.
The photo above is my small hutch. Notice the elves. If this photo makes no sense to you, that is ok as this photo is here for two people who know who they are. I have had these elves since I was a little girl and I love them. They, and my angel on the treetop, are my favorite Christmas decorations. However, a couple of my friends were having trouble with elves a few weeks back and I thought they would enjoy this photo. Besides, I haven't heard from them in a long time and I hope that they are alright!
Just got in from MSK and my two week check up. Things are ok although they lowered my dosage from 50 to 40 to see if it relieved my intestinal woes. I said the clinical drug was not the cause of my woes but taking my diabetes meds with it caused the woes. I said I had not taken my diabetes medication in almost a week and no woes. So, here is the compromise. I take 40 not 50 (mgs or mms or pgs or whatever the dosage is) and take my sugar levels 2 times a day. I have been prescribed insulin on a sliding scale. Even though my sugar has remained stable and not high, just in case it goes up, I am to give myself a shot and the units will depend on the variation in the sugar level. I now have another chart to gaze upon. Actually, the new insulin is pretty cool in its own dispenser and I just have to attach a needle head and dial the dosage. Better than loading the syringe and handling the glass bottle of insulin. I also now have an ointment for the rash as the powder was everywhere but where it should have been!
A mother and daughter sat near Jack and I in the waiting room and as we made eye contact we started chatting. Jack went to the pharmacy for my medications and I thoroughly enjoyed meeting these two ladies. The mom had lung cancer 17 years ago and it has just kicked in again. She also comes from Long Island so we had lots to chat about regarding treatments etc. Her daughter was also someone you would want to know. She was a bit older than Karen and had children in school. We shared a lot of information considering we just met regarding our health and other life situations. But then, when cancer is your common denominator, the word "stranger" just doesn't enter the picture. Meeting them, sharing a few laughs and a few philosophies made a long, dreary day an uplifting and cheerful experience. I hope they felt the same as we parted company. I also hope I run into them again although it would be nice if it weren't in the waiting room of Dr. Lung O and Co.
As usual, the nurse practitioner, Nurse Beautiful Person for she is, inside and out and will be known as Nurse B.P., was incredibly kind and knowledgeable and answered my questions so patiently. I know this is what should be the norm but it is always so outstanding when it happens! She was the one who made my insulin chart and explained the use of the new insulin injection system. She always makes sure I have her direct line and an emergency night line and that I feel free to use it if I need it. It is just so comforting to know that help is a phone call away 24/7.
Crone McMahon is in town for several hours, oops, I mean a day or two, and we were going to catch some coffee or lunch today but Jack and I didn't get back home until almost 3 and we decided to grab a late lunch and skip dinner. We went to the local hamburger pub and just as we sat down, the waitress said she was sorry but the kitchen was closed until 5. Lunch is over at 3. We just missed it. AUGGGGH! We are very hungry since we came home but are going back at 5. This is not going to stop me from eating out and not cooking tonight. Hopefully, I will see Crone McMahon tomorrow before she sets out again on another field trip.
Each time I visit MSK, I feel more secure in my belief that I will win this battle. I just feel it in the center of my being.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 04, 2009
Season for All Things
It was important to take a snapshot of these two ornaments before we take the tree down today. They have been and continue to be my mantra. The ornaments were gifts from two of my high school cronies with whom I have reconnected over the past several years. Not only do the ornaments remind me of my new motto but of true and abiding friendship. Like bulbs planted in a youthful season of life, the friendships had lain dormant and neglected until the season for them to spring forth to enhance the landscape with vivid colors of remembrance and laughter and dreams and strength and courage.
Carol B. asked how long it takes a blog to be posted after I write it. I believe it is almost instantly but I can never tell with this particular blog site. Often it does not put paragraphs and double spaces where I do and when I go back to edit, it just doesn't change them the way I want. So, who knows? It seems to have a mind of its own. I also confuse the issue because sometimes I start a blog and then get distracted and not finish it until much later....or dribble in a little throughout the day. There is no rhyme or reason to my writing down my thoughts or when I do. As always, it depends on whether Ms. Muse is nudging me or not.
Unfortunately for me, this lack of self discipline has been holding me back from writing on a regular basis for my whole life. I cannot remember a time when I did not want to write. I have been acquainted with Ms. Muse for as long as I can remember this desire. If she were not sitting on my shoulder or whispering in my ear or firing up my conscience, no writing got done. Many times she came to me at inopportune times and it was suggested I carry a recorder and speak my thoughts then write them down when I could. I did try this for awhile and it worked but like most things that interest me, my fire burns hot for awhile and then slowly drifts down to the embers ... then gone. (You should only know how many craft projects ended up in the trash waiting for me to finish them....and don't even mention the word puzzle!)
Perhaps because I suddenly see that time is precious, I am determined to chronicle this cancer journey. I know many of you have been reading it and walking along with me and that is inspiring to me. Sometimes the blog will be short or nothing more than a photo, I will keep Ms. Muse up nights if need be, but there will be something each day - good or bad. If nothing else, I will find the discipline I need for this.
There is a season for all things as we Crones have learned and finally understand. This will be my season to finally use the talent that was given to me so freely and which I have taken for granted for so long. Stay tuned.....
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 03, 2009
Short but Sweet
Since this is going to be a very short note today, I thought I would send a photo of Joe and Agnes Rose to make up for my brevity. They are so cute! I love her ducky blanket sleepers!
Two years ago today I was given back the gift of life! Who could believe two years have flown by so quickly? Who could believe I still haven't figured out what it is I am supposed to accomplish with this extra time?
I did not want the day to go by without acknowledging it but it is late and I am tired so this will be really short. Other than tired, I feel fine.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 02, 2009
The Days of Wine and Roses
There are few people - if any - who would be somewhat relieved to see a rash develop on their body but when I awoke this morning - and the dreaded rash has appeared in various spots - my first reaction (besides "ow!") was Thank God, the medication is working! I think deep in my heart I felt if I had no side effects at all (for which most would be grateful) the stuff wasn't doing its job. Well, I can assure you it is on a roll today. I called MSK and am awaiting a call back. I am sure they will call a prescription in for a topical ointment which will relieve most of the discomfort. Meanwhile, I am getting more souls out of Purgatory!
You have no idea how much your e-mails and notes mean to me. In some ways, I feel really silly writing down all my hopes and fears and whatever else pops into my head. It did start off as a way to keep me busy and as a therapy to get my feelings out clearly as I do better with the written than the spoken word. (It is my mouth that gets me in trouble most often.) But, when you take the time to tell me how something moved you or made you laugh or that you are praying for me, it fills me with such happiness.
As the New Year was beginning, I was thinking some deep thoughts about life and death. I realized that it is not death that I fear - it is missing what would go on here without me!
One of the non-local high school Crones sent me the following poem. I had written to her that the theme of our high school prom was "Days of Wine and Roses" and I thought that was pretty shocking considering how strict the school was. I always thought it was chosen because the movie with Jack Lemmon and Lee Remmick was such a hit that year even though the subject was alcoholism. She said all she remembered from the prom was popcorn and grape juice. The poem touched me....although I still don't see it as a cheerful or romantic prom theme!
You have no idea how much your e-mails and notes mean to me. In some ways, I feel really silly writing down all my hopes and fears and whatever else pops into my head. It did start off as a way to keep me busy and as a therapy to get my feelings out clearly as I do better with the written than the spoken word. (It is my mouth that gets me in trouble most often.) But, when you take the time to tell me how something moved you or made you laugh or that you are praying for me, it fills me with such happiness.
As the New Year was beginning, I was thinking some deep thoughts about life and death. I realized that it is not death that I fear - it is missing what would go on here without me!
One of the non-local high school Crones sent me the following poem. I had written to her that the theme of our high school prom was "Days of Wine and Roses" and I thought that was pretty shocking considering how strict the school was. I always thought it was chosen because the movie with Jack Lemmon and Lee Remmick was such a hit that year even though the subject was alcoholism. She said all she remembered from the prom was popcorn and grape juice. The poem touched me....although I still don't see it as a cheerful or romantic prom theme!
Love and desire and hate
I think they have no portion in us after
Out of a misty dream
Our path emerges for a while, then closes
Within a dream.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
January 01, 2009
Happy New Year 2009!
Happy New Year to you all. Let's hope it will be filled with miracles and hope! Here is a photo of my date, Chik, and I right at midnight. You can't see our hats because of the dark background but trust me, we were both wearing party hats to usher in this new year of positive thinking.
While on the subject of positive thinking, I want to take this opportunity to publicly thank my Godfather, Frank Pascale and his incredible wife, Eileen, for all the kind acts they have done over the years for my mother. Frank and Eileen, who are in their 80s, are my mother's nephew and niece. They are the only family members (besides us) who have regularly visited my mother in her nursing home. Mom will be 98 on the 29th of this month and although dementia has taken over her mind, she is not in too bad physical condition for a women her age. It was not an easy decision to place Mom in the nursing home but she was 89 and the dementia was setting in and we were afraid to leave her alone in the house. For the past nine years, up until Frank (or Sonny to me!) recently could no longer drive due to his own health issues, Eileen and Frank made the trip every other week to visit Mom. It is always emotionally draining to see someone decline as mom has but they swallowed their tears and put on bright faces to visit Aunt Rose.
Occasionally she will recognize one of us - particularly Jack, Kate and Karen - but these moments are rare and fleeting. She looks into my face with some recognition but just can't seem to place her silver haired child. I sense on some level she knows me and she clearly asked me (immediately after my latest diagnosis) if I was alright. Being a mother, I suspect that on some level, you always know when something is not quite right with your child - even if you no longer recognize that child.
But I digress as usual, this started off as a homage to Frank and Eileen who truly live the elements of their faith. They do not just give lip service on Sunday morning and I will forever be grateful for their corporal acts of mercy visiting my mother and the understanding and compassion that they have shown to me and my family. I pray that God will keep them in the hollow of His hand.
My wild New Year's Eve with my children and grandchild - and let us not leave out Chik - has left me exhausted. After all, they made me stay up past midnight. I was so awake that I stayed up until 1:30 am reading and watching tv until the fire in the fireplace turned to embers. I am feeling this change of pace now and will probably head for the nice soft bed and snuggle up in the blankets very soon.
Incidentally, to give credit where it is due, last night Karen cooked a delicious meal of chicken parm and angel hair spaghetti. She even made homemade sauce which was far better than any I've ever made (that gene must have skipped a generation.) We all enjoyed it very much - and Chik was delighted we were following her advice to eat more chiken.
So, my friends, keep praying for me and all those facing bumps in the road this year. Your kind words and support make the whole process so much easier to accept.
Happy New Year!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
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