Jan 29, 2012 - Mom is 101

Mom turned 101 today. It should have been a day of great rejoicing and jelly jar photos. It wasn't. Karen, Jack and I went to visit her at Sunrise Manor where she has resided for more than ten years. Amazing in itself. She was content today, sleeping peacefully in her wheelchair. She has been moved to the floor where they keep those lost souls who no longer recognize anyone and who make no sense in their constant rantings. Mom was silent today. She brightened for a moment when she saw Karen but had no recognition for Jack or me. Jack pushed her wheelchair from the sunroom to her now private room. She slept and we sat and chatted quietly. Karen said it seemed a strange way to celebrate 101 years but Mom had no idea who we were or even that we were there. It is heart breaking to see her like this. My mother would have loved seeing her great grandchildren. Too bad it was her mind which left before her body. When you have bodily issues, you still can recognize and love and laugh and enjoy. To see a woman who lived a difficult life at best not even be able to enjoy these wonderful babies is heartbreaking. What good is it to be 101 or any age where your cognitive ability is taken from you? I only pray her mind and spirit are at peace somewhere and her body just isn't ready to catch up. Such a loss for all of us whom she loved so intensely in her own way.

Sometimes I think my cancer is not such a terrible thing. I plan on living a long time but I hope I do not live to be like my mother. I'd rather be remembered as a joyous, living, positive force on this earth.

Sorry if this is a downer tonight. It is really a truth.

I sitll say

Believe!

As always, love from me to you!

Ya Never Know from One Day to the Next

Hello to you all! Thought I would do a quick blog to bring you up to date rather than individual e-mails. I had a little scare last week. My CT scan showed that one of the growths in the lining of my lung appeared to be getting a little bigger. There was great discussion and turmoil regarding the continuation of my meds, etc. and whether a biopsy was needed. A biopsy was decided upon and I requested the woman doc who did my original biopsy at MSKCC. Since she was not available, one of her most competent partners was assigned. I was kept on the medication for which I am ever so thankful. Anyway, I was to go to meet the Radiologist on Friday afternoon and Friday morning the doc I had asked for called me. My ever so thoughtful and kind Dr. Lungo had called her to say I had requested her. She looked at the slides and then called me herself to say she did not feel a biopsy was warranted as the growth was infinitismal, would be impossible to biopsy and barely visible compared to how it was on the original scans 3 years ago. Bless her! It was a very nerve wracking few days imagining the cancer growing inside me again. Of course, this is something all cancer survivors live with daily....and someday it will happen but not too soon, I pray. I have too much living to do.

So I ask again for your prayers, not only for me but for these remarkable doctors and nurses who care so very much for their patients that they go that extra step of making that phone call to put a patient at ease. May God continue to hold them in the hollow of His Hand.

Believe.

As always, love from me to you.

January 3 - Rebirth

If it were not for a quick and brilliant medical team, today would be the fifth anniversary of my passing. Instead, I was revived and got to spend a few days in ICU. Please say a prayer of gratitude that the good Lord did not want me that day! I have been thinking of all the things I've gotten to enjoy over these five gifted years; the birth of two wonderful, incredible grandchildren; Chrissie and Pete's wedding; Molly and Anthony's wedding. Kate introducing Ben into our lives. Sweet babies born to extended family and friends; Graduations; beautiful days in the Hamptons; summer evenings on the porch in the Hamptons enjoying the company of friends and family; celebration of Gladys and John's 50 anniversary (and I plan to go back to Wisconsin next summer) Becoming a lady who lunches - with lifetime friends. Dinners out; family meals; all those holidays.....especially this year's Nativity Pageant at Agnes' school. Catching up with old friends from elementary and high school some by plan some by serendipity. Partaking in a clinical trial at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center when the cancer returned 3 years ago - a trial that I am still partaking in and which has, so far, kept the cancer at bay. Have had the chance to help write a book about cancer; started this blog; discovered yoga - although I need to get back to it. I also discovered that once I break a habit (like going to yoga) it is almost impossible for me to get back in the groove. I realize that some of the preceding were really not sentences but I've also discovered how really unimportant some things are.

So, thank you, dear friends - old friends and new friends - for your prayers, your support, your laughter, your tears. You have gotten me over some rough spots and given me hope and faith that we are all in God's Hands. Life is precious, both the good days and the not so great days. Today I choose to celebrate the good.

Believe!

As always, love from me to you!

12 - 12 - 2011

Good grief, how did it become the twelfth of December so quickly? Yesterday was Bernadette's second birthday and we had a good time at her birthday party with all her little friends. Joe and Karen invited her music teacher who arrived with all kinds of instruments and scarves and drums, etc. - the teacher led the children in making a joyful noise! It was great. Happy Birthday, dear Bernadette.

Let me catch up on the weather. Yesterday and today (11 & 12) were clear and cold but not frigid cold. So, looks like November and December should be ok. Now all we have to do is wait and see how "scientific" my mom's weather forecasting device is!

Sad news this morning from Virgnia - our neighbor and family dentist passed away. Dr. Parisi treated all of us for many, many years. He had a whole slew of comments which were pretty funny and always asked questions when our mouths were full of dental equipment. After the laswt cavity was filled (and boy some of us had plenty of cavities before flouride) he would give us a gift certificate for an ice cream cone at Sid's Luncheonette. (That was 12 cents in those days, 13 if you wanted sprinkles! I don't know why this news made me feel so sad as I haven't seen Doc Parisi in 35 years or so but he always remained an unforgettable part of my childhood.

God rest his soul in peace.

Believe!

As always, love from me to you!

Circle of Trust

Sorry my visit of yesterday was postponed until today but I had a lovely Christmas lunch with my dear high school pals, Marie, Pat and Janice. We had such a good time but the afternoon flew past and it was 4:30 before I got home. I was so tired that I just could not sit and write anything that made sense. This group is truly a Circle of Trust as we can say anything and no it will go no further and the counsel is wise. There is nothing as valuable as a long time friendship. You can pick up where you left off whenever that was. We've been pals since we were freshman in high school, ten or so years ago. (As author, I may take poetic license - or lie like a rug!) More like 46 or so years ago.....lifetimes. When we speak of our blessings and tides of joy, these friendships and others like them come readily to mind. Our friends sustain us and hopefully, we sustain them.

Before I forget, the weather was clear and chilly yesterday (that would be the 9 day so September should be a clear and seasonable month.) Today, more of the same, clear, colder than yesterday which bodes ok for an October weather.

Agnes just left with Karen and Bernadette. Bernadette got her first haircut this morning and looks so cute with bangs. She likes to flip her hair around like Agnes! I've learned to keep hard boiled eggs in the refrigerator for Bernadette as she enjoys them on Saturday when she stops by after gym class to pick up Agnes. I always remember eating the white part of hard boiled eggs with my grandmother - she only ate the yolks. I still only eat the whites of hard boiled but love runny fried eggs! Go figure that one out - if you care. My mother used to call fried eggs "an egg with a hat on it" - I guess it was an unbroken yolk. Funny remembrances come back when you least expect them.

Tomorrow Bernadette turns 2. Hard to believe two years have flown by. Two years of being very thankful to see each day.

Believe!

As always, love from me to you!

t

Happy Birthday, Ben!

The weather today is clear but windy and in the early forties. At least our 8th month of August should be clear and seasonal as far as temps are concerned.

Today is also Ben's birthday so I send him birthday greetings from Jack and I. We are happy he will be joining us for Christmas but not as happy as Agnes. I showed her a photo of the real Big Ben in London but she scoffs at the idea that anything or anyone besides her Ben is Big Ben!

We had a soup supper with the kids last night. Well, Joe and Karen were there but Joe was rushing about the kitchen getting the soup and pasta ready for us; Karen came rushing in late (in the pouring rain but Jack picked her up at the station) as Joe and Karen were going to a meeting. That's why we were there to watch the kids. Anyway, they left a few minutes late (like 3 minutes) after gobbling down some soup; bathing the kids and putting them in their p.j.s and Bernadette to bed. They were gone about five minutes, probably parking outside the meeting, and the nun in charge of the program called because they were late. It was deja vu all over again for me. I said they probably were walking in the door. Frankly, it irks me that when someone is kind enough to volunteer their services, the fact that it was pouring rain, they have children and also had to travel home from work on the train - they could be cut five minutes or even 20 minutes of slack. They are not habitually late for anything. So there, Sister. I'm being brave because I'm sure she does not read this blog. Yeh, she hit a nerve when I answered the phone to "that" voice. Only now I am a grown up and can have a "voice" of my own. :)

At the moment I am waiting for the Chimney Sweeps to arrive. I hope they sing and dance as they work.

Believe!

As usual, love from me to you.

12 - 7 - 11

Well, July is going to be an unhappy month! Today it is raining and 60 degrees. I surely hope this theory does not work this year as who needs a hot and wet July? Ugh.

Jack and I have been working around the house today, trying to stay out of each other's way. He decided to vacuum which was great and made me very happy as I can't push the cleaner without severe back pain and the dust is another issue. Anyway, ten minutes into the job, the Oreck, which is less than a year old, just up and stopped turning its brush. We spent a good deal of time reading the manual (joke that is) and have given up for a time as we were breaking out in a cold sweat and the vacuum repair fight was about to replace the Christmas tree light holiday argument.

Believe!

As usual, love from me to you!