Mom turned 101 today. It should have been a day of great rejoicing and jelly jar photos. It wasn't. Karen, Jack and I went to visit her at Sunrise Manor where she has resided for more than ten years. Amazing in itself. She was content today, sleeping peacefully in her wheelchair. She has been moved to the floor where they keep those lost souls who no longer recognize anyone and who make no sense in their constant rantings. Mom was silent today. She brightened for a moment when she saw Karen but had no recognition for Jack or me. Jack pushed her wheelchair from the sunroom to her now private room. She slept and we sat and chatted quietly. Karen said it seemed a strange way to celebrate 101 years but Mom had no idea who we were or even that we were there. It is heart breaking to see her like this. My mother would have loved seeing her great grandchildren. Too bad it was her mind which left before her body. When you have bodily issues, you still can recognize and love and laugh and enjoy. To see a woman who lived a difficult life at best not even be able to enjoy these wonderful babies is heartbreaking. What good is it to be 101 or any age where your cognitive ability is taken from you? I only pray her mind and spirit are at peace somewhere and her body just isn't ready to catch up. Such a loss for all of us whom she loved so intensely in her own way.
Sometimes I think my cancer is not such a terrible thing. I plan on living a long time but I hope I do not live to be like my mother. I'd rather be remembered as a joyous, living, positive force on this earth.
Sorry if this is a downer tonight. It is really a truth.
I sitll say
Believe!
As always, love from me to you!
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