Oh happy days, May has arrived - can summer be far behind? I am so happy to see the dogwood trees and the lilacs made it through the winter. They are in bloom and it makes me so happy to see them. Jack's tulips are also in full bloom. It's starting to look interesting around here. It will be awhile before we know if our annual battle over when to trim the hydrangeas was won or lost by Jack. This year, he trimmed them all the way down. I love those flowers in the summer and hope that they put on a show this year.
I realized this morning that I have a CAT scan scheduled for next Friday morning and an appointment to see Dr. Lung the Monday after. It's funny, I can manage to forget about what is growing inside me - or not growing, please God - for long periods of time and then I see the calendar and know that I am going to have a test that starts the worrying all over again. Frankly, lately I am too tired most of the time to worry about anything!
On Sunday, Jack and I will celebrate our 40 wedding anniversary. Hardly seems possible and as I look back, I wonder how those years passed so swiftly? I also wonder who that person is looking back at me from the mirror who seems so much older than I think I am!
So, I ask for your prayers again this week as I face the CAT scan on Friday morning. Won't have any results until Monday, though, so don't worry if you don't see any information until then. Meanwhile, remember our motto....
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
May 01, 2009
April 29, 2009
Kate's Photographs
Kate and Karen
Karen and Mary Ann
Great photo by Kate
Thought you would enjoy these photos - at least I hope so, anyway. I am still prolonging the day!
Karen said she did not see the plane incident in New York City on Tuesday but she did say they were getting ready to evacuate her building. As she was putting on her sneakers, however, they were told it was a photo op. She said other buildings had evacuated. All this entertainment cost us taxpayers about $383,000 according to last night's news broadcast. What a travesty.
I have to admit to feeling a little more fatigued than usual yesterday and today. Hope it is the ever changing weather here. Yesterday it was a humid 90 degrees but today it is in the 60s. I prefer the 60s myself. Hope it peps me up!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
April 26, 2009
Mother and Daughters' Day Out
Yesterday was about as magical and wonderful a day as it gets! It was one of those very rare days that happen when your children grow up and everyone goes in different directions living their own lives.
Karen and Kate decided to give me an early Mother's Day this year as Kate returned to Boston today. They treated me to the Broadway play, "Billy Elliot" as that has recently become one of my favorite movies. The logistics of moving me around the city (slug that I am) was resolved when Jack said he would drive us in and pick us up. True to his word, he dropped us off in front of the Imperial Theater on 45th Street and had the car in the same spot when we exited the theater hours later. How he managed this is part of the magic! Getting back to the play, it was thrilling - the music, the dancing. What I loved most, besides being with my girls, was that the staging of this musical was simple. It was sheer talent and story that dazzled. It did not depend on glitz to make it enjoyable. I guess there is a lesson in that somewhere if you care to look!
Joe and Agnes had just about finished cooking dinner when we got home so that was another great and fun surprise!
The only downer of the day, but a good thing to be found last night and not this morning or on I-95, was that Kate had a flat tire. Jack called Triple A and then arranged to have the tire fixed early this morning so Kate could be on her way back to Boston. Her school week off was different than New York's. Back to school tomorrow for her!
It is only April 26 and I am already tired of the heat! It's hard to tell I am a summer baby because I did not grow up to be a summer person. Frankly, I like a chill in the air!
Although this is the beginning of a new week, Karen, Joe and Agnes just left so in a sense it was the end of the week for me. Joe helped Jack do some work on Thursday and Kate babysat Agnes.....she babysat, I played. Friday, Karen spent some time with Kate shopping adding to the fun of the week. Ahh, life is good.
Today, we went to church where Fr. Bob gave another excellent homily and deserved the applause that Agnes gave him when he was finished. Actually, she clapped for the readers and the musicians, too. Give praise where it is due is her motto. She was happy as we had the "divide" seats and she had the widest space in church in which to perform. She sings, she dances, she claps. What a kid! When I was introducing Joe to some friends after mass, Karen came back in with Agnes (who had gone to find the cookies in the vestibule) and Agnes made sure they knew I was "Nana." I have to admit it does give me a thrill!
I am a little worn out from the heat and excitement today so I shall close now.
Hope you are all well and enjoying whatever weather you are having.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
Karen and Kate decided to give me an early Mother's Day this year as Kate returned to Boston today. They treated me to the Broadway play, "Billy Elliot" as that has recently become one of my favorite movies. The logistics of moving me around the city (slug that I am) was resolved when Jack said he would drive us in and pick us up. True to his word, he dropped us off in front of the Imperial Theater on 45th Street and had the car in the same spot when we exited the theater hours later. How he managed this is part of the magic! Getting back to the play, it was thrilling - the music, the dancing. What I loved most, besides being with my girls, was that the staging of this musical was simple. It was sheer talent and story that dazzled. It did not depend on glitz to make it enjoyable. I guess there is a lesson in that somewhere if you care to look!
Joe and Agnes had just about finished cooking dinner when we got home so that was another great and fun surprise!
The only downer of the day, but a good thing to be found last night and not this morning or on I-95, was that Kate had a flat tire. Jack called Triple A and then arranged to have the tire fixed early this morning so Kate could be on her way back to Boston. Her school week off was different than New York's. Back to school tomorrow for her!
It is only April 26 and I am already tired of the heat! It's hard to tell I am a summer baby because I did not grow up to be a summer person. Frankly, I like a chill in the air!
Although this is the beginning of a new week, Karen, Joe and Agnes just left so in a sense it was the end of the week for me. Joe helped Jack do some work on Thursday and Kate babysat Agnes.....she babysat, I played. Friday, Karen spent some time with Kate shopping adding to the fun of the week. Ahh, life is good.
Today, we went to church where Fr. Bob gave another excellent homily and deserved the applause that Agnes gave him when he was finished. Actually, she clapped for the readers and the musicians, too. Give praise where it is due is her motto. She was happy as we had the "divide" seats and she had the widest space in church in which to perform. She sings, she dances, she claps. What a kid! When I was introducing Joe to some friends after mass, Karen came back in with Agnes (who had gone to find the cookies in the vestibule) and Agnes made sure they knew I was "Nana." I have to admit it does give me a thrill!
I am a little worn out from the heat and excitement today so I shall close now.
Hope you are all well and enjoying whatever weather you are having.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
April 20, 2009
Easter Sunday and Beyond
The celebration of the Easter Sunday Eucharist with most of my family (Kate was in Boston) was an incredibly moving moment for me. With the first notes of the trumpet accompanying the organ at St. Boniface, I knew I had found my way back where I belonged. Fr. Bob Romano, our pastor and a marvelous homilist (you can tell he actually spends time preparing for what he is going to say) truly touched a nerve when he spoke of how we are all on the road to Galilee - now - just like the disciples of 2000 years ago. (It was ironic to me that the new Archbishop of NY, Timothy Dolan spoke of the road to Emmaus in his homily on Wednesday!) I must admit that I was not up to all the Holy Week services as sometimes I am hit with horrific fatigue and other discomforts which negate my leaving the house. However, I did spend time in prayer and meditation and watched the services broadcast from our local cathedral, St. Agnes on the religion channel. Spiritually, I feel renewed.
This weekend, Agnes Rose had her first sleepover at our house. Joe and Karen went to a wedding and Jack and I had the opportunity to enjoy the little one. Crone Eileen came over Saturday afternoon and we had tea and watched Agnes play outside. Jack managed to find a Fisher Price picnic table and benches (all attached) and Agnes enjoyed sitting at the table. Fortunately , Eileen is lightweight enough to sit on the bench with her. Me, I'd send her sailing through the air as the bench collapsed! We explored the few Grecian wildflowers that are growing and Jack picked a beautiful magnolia blossom for Agnes to smell. I wish I had a camera at that moment because the child did not care for the scent at all! Where is her southern blood one might ask? I love the magnolia tree which is in full bloom but will be in ruins tomorrow as we are expecting heavy rains today.
Easter Week was a mixture of joy and sorrow for me. The good news is that Scott and Andrea sent out their wedding invitations and I hope their lives are blessed with joy. The bad news is that my friend and mentor, Patricia Campbell Horton, passed away from cancer on Holy Saturday. Pat truly encouraged me to write; gave me my first official, paid, writing job for a local paper and then hired me when she and Kevin started their own paper. I gave it up when I started writing more at work and Kate had her surgery and all in all, it just got to be too much to hit a weekly deadline with two columns. I would not be doing this blog if not for Pat. The problem with the columns is that I was limited to what I could say. I like this blogging business because I am in charge of what I can say or not say! Anyway, I hope she is resting in peace as she had a tough time with her cancer. I will say, she was one of the most intriguing, hilarious and brilliant people that ever walked this earth. A genuine, first class, character! And boy, am I glad I got to know her and felt she respected me as much as I did her. Pat asked for no funeral or service or any kind. She just wants those who knew her to write to her grandchildren and tell them some memories of life with Pat. I will tend to this soon - there seems so many stories to tell!
Joe is picking me up in a little while as I am going into Brooklyn to babysit while he sings in the Oratorio at Carnegie Hall tonight. Jack will join me later. This way, Karen can go to the concert and we can play with our baby doll some more. She is so good for us - almost like she knows we are taking the refresher course in child rearing!
I'd also like to send a big shout out and hug and kiss to our cousin Patty who is an inspiration to me....and also nags me when I am late getting a blog out. She should have been a newspaper editor!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
This weekend, Agnes Rose had her first sleepover at our house. Joe and Karen went to a wedding and Jack and I had the opportunity to enjoy the little one. Crone Eileen came over Saturday afternoon and we had tea and watched Agnes play outside. Jack managed to find a Fisher Price picnic table and benches (all attached) and Agnes enjoyed sitting at the table. Fortunately , Eileen is lightweight enough to sit on the bench with her. Me, I'd send her sailing through the air as the bench collapsed! We explored the few Grecian wildflowers that are growing and Jack picked a beautiful magnolia blossom for Agnes to smell. I wish I had a camera at that moment because the child did not care for the scent at all! Where is her southern blood one might ask? I love the magnolia tree which is in full bloom but will be in ruins tomorrow as we are expecting heavy rains today.
Easter Week was a mixture of joy and sorrow for me. The good news is that Scott and Andrea sent out their wedding invitations and I hope their lives are blessed with joy. The bad news is that my friend and mentor, Patricia Campbell Horton, passed away from cancer on Holy Saturday. Pat truly encouraged me to write; gave me my first official, paid, writing job for a local paper and then hired me when she and Kevin started their own paper. I gave it up when I started writing more at work and Kate had her surgery and all in all, it just got to be too much to hit a weekly deadline with two columns. I would not be doing this blog if not for Pat. The problem with the columns is that I was limited to what I could say. I like this blogging business because I am in charge of what I can say or not say! Anyway, I hope she is resting in peace as she had a tough time with her cancer. I will say, she was one of the most intriguing, hilarious and brilliant people that ever walked this earth. A genuine, first class, character! And boy, am I glad I got to know her and felt she respected me as much as I did her. Pat asked for no funeral or service or any kind. She just wants those who knew her to write to her grandchildren and tell them some memories of life with Pat. I will tend to this soon - there seems so many stories to tell!
Joe is picking me up in a little while as I am going into Brooklyn to babysit while he sings in the Oratorio at Carnegie Hall tonight. Jack will join me later. This way, Karen can go to the concert and we can play with our baby doll some more. She is so good for us - almost like she knows we are taking the refresher course in child rearing!
I'd also like to send a big shout out and hug and kiss to our cousin Patty who is an inspiration to me....and also nags me when I am late getting a blog out. She should have been a newspaper editor!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
April 06, 2009
Palm Sunday
Palm Sunday, the beginning of the holiest week of the Christian year. (No, it is not Christmas week.) I am ashamed and sorry to admit that it has not played a very big part in my life for the past 18 years or so but prior to that, my life revolved around the doings at church in my role on the liturgy committee. I did the readings, I led song, I sang in the choir, I dusted the pews -- anything to be involved, physically and spiritually. Then something happened and I did not have enough faith to rise above it - I let my pride take over and I stopped attending church on a regular basis. I did not stop believing or for that matter, I realize now, I did not stop grieving the loss of this powerful expression of my faith. So, through the grace of God, I am making this Holy Week the beginning of my own personal journey back to the outward practice of my faith. God has not left me abandoned but like a good parent, He has stood by and quietly supported me through the good times and the rough times. His presence was seen in the faces of all of you who were so good to me, who prayed for my return to health, who, I'm sure, prayed for my spiritual health as well. You did not judge me - but I did feel a nudge now and then and like to think it was my Guardian Angel but suspect it may have been you all along. So, pray for me now as I continue the steps along the road. When I left church yesterday, I thought of my mother who used to ask me if I was the "mayor" as it always took me 1/2 hour to get out the door of the church, stopping to speak to this one or that. Yesterday, I lost count of the number of loving embraces and kind words spoken to me as I left the church after the Palm Sunday mass. I felt as though I was finally back at home.
This blog seems to be my confessional today but since I started it for therapy.......
The other thing I have been feeling very guilty and shamed about is that I have not been visiting my 98 year old mother. The last time I was there, she had no idea of who I was and whomever she thought I was, she hated enough to spit and curse me. I made up my mind that I would not go visit alone again as it truly frightened me. How ridiculous that a 61 year old woman would be afraid of this frail old lady in a wheelchair....but do we ever outgrow the need - the want - to please our mother? I had many excuses - my own health issues and fear of catching some germ,
she doesn't recognize me anyway, my mother is gone and I don't know who this person is - you can make up any number of excuses and apply them to me. Truth still comes down to my own lack of courage.
Yesterday, Karen and I spent a lovely afternoon shopping for an Easter outfit for Agnes Rose and buying wool and crochet hooks at Michael's so I could finally begin this project I've been talking about for months it seems. As we left Michael's, Karen said let's stop to see Nan. At first I looked around for my bag of excuses but could not find it so off we went to Sun Harbor. I was prepared for the worst as the last time I saw my mother she was gaunt and filled with anger. We went into the dayroom to get her and she was so happy to see us (time means nothing to her, she really doesn't know if we were there a month ago or a day ago nor does she usually remember who we are.) We rolled her to her room. Initially she wasn't making much sense but then she looked at me and asked why my hair was so short and went on to tell me it looked terrible. My mother was back! Karen and I were dumbfounded. I patted my extremely short hair (see earlier blog in March "Chia Pet") and agreed with her. I said yes, it is terrible isn't it. She looked at me and then said it was terrible, terrible and started to laugh - we all started to laugh. This was a miracle - a gift to hear my mother laugh. Then she asked for Kate and wondered if she was still living up there (Boston) and assured me that if she wasn't happy she would come home. I said she was very happy and my mother said that was good. I promised that Kate would visit her in a few weeks. Mom went on to say that Karen and Kate were her best friends and she loved them so much since they were born and she still loved them. Then she asked Karen if she had a boyfriend. Karen said I have a husband but my mother started drifting.....Karen showed her the wedding ring and engagement ring and my mother said that was good and that she hoped Karen would have happiness in her heart always. Then, as quickly as she came to us, she was gone. Mom told us that she would soon go to the God she loved so much and be the guest of honor....she would see all her family and those she missed so much. She is ready and I suspect her time is growing close. I guess I seem to mourn my mother while she is still here but she seems to have been gone for such a long time already.
My mother's mind has drifted very far away from us but her faith is still sustaining her. Her eyes do not recognize the things of this earth but her faith allows her to see the things to come. My epiphany is that this is the example that is pushing me back to my faith.....my roots have held me firm no matter how hard the wind blew.
May your winds blow softly.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
This blog seems to be my confessional today but since I started it for therapy.......
The other thing I have been feeling very guilty and shamed about is that I have not been visiting my 98 year old mother. The last time I was there, she had no idea of who I was and whomever she thought I was, she hated enough to spit and curse me. I made up my mind that I would not go visit alone again as it truly frightened me. How ridiculous that a 61 year old woman would be afraid of this frail old lady in a wheelchair....but do we ever outgrow the need - the want - to please our mother? I had many excuses - my own health issues and fear of catching some germ,
she doesn't recognize me anyway, my mother is gone and I don't know who this person is - you can make up any number of excuses and apply them to me. Truth still comes down to my own lack of courage.
Yesterday, Karen and I spent a lovely afternoon shopping for an Easter outfit for Agnes Rose and buying wool and crochet hooks at Michael's so I could finally begin this project I've been talking about for months it seems. As we left Michael's, Karen said let's stop to see Nan. At first I looked around for my bag of excuses but could not find it so off we went to Sun Harbor. I was prepared for the worst as the last time I saw my mother she was gaunt and filled with anger. We went into the dayroom to get her and she was so happy to see us (time means nothing to her, she really doesn't know if we were there a month ago or a day ago nor does she usually remember who we are.) We rolled her to her room. Initially she wasn't making much sense but then she looked at me and asked why my hair was so short and went on to tell me it looked terrible. My mother was back! Karen and I were dumbfounded. I patted my extremely short hair (see earlier blog in March "Chia Pet") and agreed with her. I said yes, it is terrible isn't it. She looked at me and then said it was terrible, terrible and started to laugh - we all started to laugh. This was a miracle - a gift to hear my mother laugh. Then she asked for Kate and wondered if she was still living up there (Boston) and assured me that if she wasn't happy she would come home. I said she was very happy and my mother said that was good. I promised that Kate would visit her in a few weeks. Mom went on to say that Karen and Kate were her best friends and she loved them so much since they were born and she still loved them. Then she asked Karen if she had a boyfriend. Karen said I have a husband but my mother started drifting.....Karen showed her the wedding ring and engagement ring and my mother said that was good and that she hoped Karen would have happiness in her heart always. Then, as quickly as she came to us, she was gone. Mom told us that she would soon go to the God she loved so much and be the guest of honor....she would see all her family and those she missed so much. She is ready and I suspect her time is growing close. I guess I seem to mourn my mother while she is still here but she seems to have been gone for such a long time already.
My mother's mind has drifted very far away from us but her faith is still sustaining her. Her eyes do not recognize the things of this earth but her faith allows her to see the things to come. My epiphany is that this is the example that is pushing me back to my faith.....my roots have held me firm no matter how hard the wind blew.
May your winds blow softly.
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
Update on Laundry
My laundry area is finished - painted, brand new spanking white walls and appliances. The washing machine spins the clothes tightly after they are washed and the dryer, well, dries them very quickly. I can hardly believe how happy this long awaited area makes me! With the florescent lighting, I can fold my clothes right at the dryer and put them away instead of lugging the laundry basket all over the place. Silly, I guess, but isn't it the little things that bring us the most happiness in the long run?
From the comments I got in church yesterday, I guess I was a little hard on Jack in my last blog. I should not be hard on him as he works very hard and does everything he can to keep all his gals happy......not always in the time frame I choose but in his own good time.
There will be another more serious blog today. Meanwhile. . . .
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
From the comments I got in church yesterday, I guess I was a little hard on Jack in my last blog. I should not be hard on him as he works very hard and does everything he can to keep all his gals happy......not always in the time frame I choose but in his own good time.
There will be another more serious blog today. Meanwhile. . . .
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
April 01, 2009
Clean Laundry Someday
Just returned from a lovely lunch with my local Crones McMahon, Brady and Hughes. We went to this great little restaurant in Glen Cove called GLYHOP which stands for God Loves You (I can't figure the HOP out.) Crone Hughes reminded me that I have not been blogging of late. There is a reason for it.....a good one actually.....there is nothing to say on the cancer front which is good news as it is keeping its status quo and do you all really want to hear about my day to day activities?
There is another reason and that is we are finally having the laundry area of my kitchen fixed up. It was never completed with the renovation 26 years ago and just as my finally nag ran out, Jack decided it was time to get it done. So, Jim C. came over on Saturday, ripped out the old cabinets and put in new mold proof wall board, a light and did all the plastering, etc. I had to keep the computer equipment covered during this process to avoid dust and mold spores getting into the computer. Jack is supposed to paint the area and we are to order a new washer and dryer and then Jim will come back and hang the shelf and finish up whatever else needs to be done to complete the job. Thus far, it has been 3 days and Jack has not even looked at a paint brush so I have no idea when this job will be completed. It might actually be another 26 years but I am not going to nag one bit. That is the beauty of having faced cancer, stuff like this becomes chicken poop. Who cares if it ever gets done? Not me. I have grown really good at ignoring dust and dirt as long as it doesn't affect my breathing.....and when it does, I just use the inhaler and try to stay out of the room.
So, if there are long pauses in my blog, don't worry about me - it is probably a good sign. I will try to do better as it still amazes me that some of you actually enjoy reading this!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
There is another reason and that is we are finally having the laundry area of my kitchen fixed up. It was never completed with the renovation 26 years ago and just as my finally nag ran out, Jack decided it was time to get it done. So, Jim C. came over on Saturday, ripped out the old cabinets and put in new mold proof wall board, a light and did all the plastering, etc. I had to keep the computer equipment covered during this process to avoid dust and mold spores getting into the computer. Jack is supposed to paint the area and we are to order a new washer and dryer and then Jim will come back and hang the shelf and finish up whatever else needs to be done to complete the job. Thus far, it has been 3 days and Jack has not even looked at a paint brush so I have no idea when this job will be completed. It might actually be another 26 years but I am not going to nag one bit. That is the beauty of having faced cancer, stuff like this becomes chicken poop. Who cares if it ever gets done? Not me. I have grown really good at ignoring dust and dirt as long as it doesn't affect my breathing.....and when it does, I just use the inhaler and try to stay out of the room.
So, if there are long pauses in my blog, don't worry about me - it is probably a good sign. I will try to do better as it still amazes me that some of you actually enjoy reading this!
Believe! Hope!
As always, love from me to you!
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